Umm, hi. Wow. It’s been seven months since we’ve shared this space together. How’ve you been?

I’ve been quiet here, but life certainly hasn’t slowed down. I would imagine it’s the same for you. God didn’t ask me to take a break per se, but things have been a little different, and writing in a public place just hasn’t been the focus. And today, this little blog, is by no means a commitment to being back. But, here we are. All we can be is obedient to what He says in the moment, right?

I’ve been processing again what it means to trust God. In every hard, crushing moment, as well as when life feels a little lighter and brighter. Will we ever reach the end of what it means to know Him and be known by Him? Not on this side of eternity.

We want to put our faith in Jesus, trust His word and His character. Why does it feel so hard sometimes?

In my quieter moments, I’ve found myself overwhelmed with the weight of it all – simply the reality of what life can be. At times, in my pursuit of trusting Him with all my heart, I can run away from reality. I’ll turn my thoughts and my heart away from what feels hard, assuming that if I give it space, I must not be trusting God. But I believe there’s more here. God has been leading me to the truth that denying the difficulty of reality doesn’t automatically equal faith.

Pause.

Read that sentence again, ’cause if you read fast like me, you’ll miss the weight of it.

Faith is not assumed or automatic. Faith and trust in our God is an “even so – even if – even when” choice.

Acknowledging the hard and the scary must coincide with trust.

Avoidance, denial – these are contrary to God’s generous offer to trust in Him.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that most of us, most of the time, often feel like we only have two choices when we’re faced with a challenge – to wallow, or to ignore. It feels like it must be all or nothing, one or the other.

But God’s way, as always, is deeper. It’s not around or over, it’s always through.

It is the thin space where the veil has been torn – where we want to see heaven meet earth, that reality and trust meet. They rub and they wrestle – but they’re meant to. There’s friction and sparks and weight. Because even when heaven touches earth, it’s still earth. Imperfect, fallen; the implications too wide for us to grasp.

I am convinced this is the sweetest space. The in-between. The straight through, the sometimes gray, sometimes unclear, sometimes unsure.

I am knocked over today; a little overcome in my heart lately that His kindness meets me here; in my fear, in my reality, with my racing thoughts and in the waiting.

He knows all, sees the beginning from the end, and knows exactly how my situation will end. He knows how He will use it for His glory and for my good.

And yet, He sits. And waits. And patiently listens. And gently speaks.

While I run. While I complain. While I go to everyone else but Him.

What kind of Savior is this? That He would be so mindful of me?

Friend, Comforter, Protector, Healer.

You probably know that He tells us to draw near. Most likely, you’ve heard that He wants to know you, be there for you, love you. And yet… that distance can feel so wide.

If you aren’t sure how to draw near to Jesus, chances are, you’re holding onto an approach that He’s never asked of you.

This isn’t for the faint of heart. Jesus makes it easy, though. We’re the ones who make it complicated.

So we have to be willing. Open hands, open hearts, sitting with it. Sitting with Him.

As these words enter whatever digital atmosphere they’re finding you, I’m praying for you. I’m praying that His Spirit touches your heart and shows you where you’ve been powering through, determined to make Him proud. Insistent on being strong to try to do it His way. Or maybe you’ve felt so overcome, you are just defeated.

Our reminder is this: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” [2 Corinthians 12:9]

Even when it comes to trusting God, we need His help. Do yourself a favor, and take it. Don’t pretend. Don’t put on what you thought was a spiritual face to face your Creator.

What you have to bring Him, when it really is all of you, is enough.

This is where true peace is found.

It’s through.