I’m seriously amazed and at the same time, horrified at how we lead our kids to plan ahead – since birth. It starts when they’re in pre-k, and it never ends. Right now, my three-year-old doesn’t want to grow up, and I’m just fine with that.

It’s no wonder that middle and high school kids are stressed out and anxious, believing that if they don’t have a career focus planned out, they’re doomed. Students around me are having to decide on a “track” in high school, to prepare them for college.

We all want to be making a difference. We want to be where God wants us. We don’t want to mess it up. We want to know where we’re headed; where, when and why.

Have you ever felt like God was calling you somewhere, or to some thing? Or maybe you’ve never experienced that, and you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong to not have any answers.

The misconception is this:

It’s more about the One who’s calling than it is about where you’re being called.

A call comes from somewhere, and for those of us who follow Jesus, the call comes from a person. From Him. What if we stopped trying to figure out where we were headed, or what we were supposed to be doing and just got to know the voice of the One who called us?

Here is what the Bible says about what we are called to:

“…He has called us to a holy life, not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace.” [2 Timothy 1:9]

“God has called us to live in peace.” [1 Corinthians 7:15]

“You were called to be free.” [Galatians 5:13]

 Holiness.

Peace.

Freedom.

None of these things would exist, let alone be achievable without Jesus. He is Holy. He is Peace. He is our Freedom.

So while we run around, just trying so hard to line our lives up with His will – I believe He’s wishing we would stop and just get close to Him. And instead of asking what we are supposed to be doing, look at where we are right now and ask:

 Am I experiencing peace and freedom? Am I living a holy life?

Not later. Not when we get into the spot we think He has waiting for us. Now.

In the in between. In the process. In the transition. In the suffering.

He’s called us to Himself. And in Him, we experience peace, freedom, and holiness.

These aren’t just words. They are a completely possible way of life. We’ve got to stop waiting to have joy and fulfillment and contentment when we get “there”. You know, that place that we just know once we get there, everything will line up and make sense.

No, because of His grace and His purposes, we can experience it right now. You were not made to just wait until things feel right. You were made to experience true life in every single moment. Right now, exactly where you are.

It stops with tossing aside the measuring stick of everyone else’s perceived successes. There is no freedom or peace in comparison.

He has called you to be holy. Set apart. Just for Him, simply because He’s so insanely in love with you. The purposes He has for you? The gifts He’s given you to use to show Him to the world around you? They’re valuable, but they’re secondary. He’s after you more than He’s after what you can do for Him.

Can we lay it down?

Stop chasing after the “there” that is somehow always out of our reach, and instead, reach for the One who’s always available. He’s calling you to bigger and more – but if it doesn’t start with Him first, the purpose is empty.

When I drift from contentment with Him, I look to fill voids that were never meant to be filled with anything else but Him. I pour out of an empty place to fill a calling that I created myself. God, when my eyes are fixed on you, I automatically use the gifts you’ve given me to operate in my calling. Because You are the One who’s called me.

 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” [Romans 8:28]

This past week, I read three books in four days. You may be impressed. I’ll wait.

 

My husband isn’t, though. He’s convinced that I skim so much, I’m not actually reading. He tries to force me to prove to him that I actually know what I read, but I won’t give in. I know exactly what happened! I used to read so much. And, well, husbands and jobs and babies and adulthood kind of put a damper on that. The past few years, any books I read were for self-help or anything that would further my leadership or my relationship with God.

But I’ve been reading Young Adult fiction novels (thanks, Lily and Sher) and it feels like my world is right again. Guys, it’s like a romantic comedy but soooo much better. It’s a 100% total escape. Which is how I read an entire book, and then some, in a day.

I told myself it was fine because, self care, amiright? And I’ve been focusing on rest, and telling all of you about it. So really, I’m just practicing what I preach (or write).

When I read like a normal person in short spurts, it’s exactly what I need. A bit of a distraction, something fun and happy and just for me. But to be honest, I didn’t have a great week. And I didn’t feel like doing real life much. I didn’t realize it until later but it actually wasn’t filling me up anymore.

I was feeling drained from life. My kids, the burdens around me, my schedule. I’ve taken time to find out the things that do fill me back up, and I’ve found that reading is one of them. But so slowly and yet somehow so quickly, what started as a healthy escape began to take God’s place in my routine.

We need self-care. We need some distractions. But, listen. They are not a replacement for your relationship with God.

When God rested on the seventh day of creation, He wasn’t binging on Netflix or overindulging in expensive coffee. He was still creating.

When we create a shortcut and escape in the name of “rest”, we’re continuing to deplete ourselves. This world can offer us nothing without a foundation of solid identity in the One who created us.

In Priscillia Shirer’s study book, “Breathe”, she quotes Joshua Heschel, who says, “…The universe would be incomplete without [rest]. What was created on the seventh day? Tranquility, serenity, peace and repose.”

When we disappear from our lives to escape from the hard stuff, we are missing out. We’re saying no to the creation of peace in our lives. We’re passing by the hand of God, open and available to fill up our every empty space. And instead, we’re filling it up with temporary treasures, trusting that they’ll be enough.

Hear me out. I totally believe in having fun and zoning out. I am all for romantic comedies and coffee dates. I am not giving up on my YA Princess series at all. But I can tell you that unintentionally, I replaced the breath of God with an easy distraction.

What is it for you? What is that thing that you know God has given you as a jolt of fun and joy and distraction, but maybe you take it a little too far? Is it shopping? Organizing? Netflix? Work, Instagram, dessert, Candy Crush… I’m not saying to give it up. I’m pushing you to ask yourself if it’s taken the place of where God should be.

We wonder why we can’t hear His voice. We feel like we’re asking, and we’ve convinced ourselves we’re listening. Could it be that we’ve unknowingly created a block, a dam, that is halting the flow of the Well that never runs dry? He is the Living Water, and His goodness never ever stops flowing. But we can place things in the way.

God, would you challenge us? Our world has us so confused on what is true and right. But You alone are Truth and Light and Goodness. Would you open up our eyes to the good things in our life that have built up and blocked the flow of your Spirit into ours? We want to live in step with you. We want to be filled with You. Help us to create more space. Help us to choose rest, not as an escape but as an intentional choice to allow you to make us even more complete; more like You. 

 

“The Lord will always lead you and satisfy your needs in dry lands.

He will give strength to your bones.

You will be like a garden that has plenty of water, like a spring that never goes dry.”

[Isaiah 58:11]

Most of the time, I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing as a mom.

Especially when it comes to discipline. It’s like, I plan ahead how I will react in the moment, and I hope I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes it works and sometimes I abandon ship and do something totally off script. And most of the time, I’m wondering if it was the right thing to do.

Because our kids just think we’re being mean, right? We’re just trying to teach them consequences for their own actions and they just view it all as unfair. We’re doing our best to enhance their lives and help them turn out to be decent humans. And my little humans often just stomp away feeling like I’m treating them unfairly.

And I wonder so much if we have misjudged God in this way. Whenever something negative happens, whenever our plans don’t work out – when something we hoped for was halted: do we feel like we’re being punished?

Last week my son was sick and out of school for the whole week. And to be honest, my first reaction was “God, really?” I had a lot of stuff to get done. I had a very full schedule that had to be adjusted. And for my kids’ sake and my own, they need to go to school. The small people need a little break from one another to provide everyone with sanity.

When something negative happens, do we jump to the idea that God must be punishing us? Like, maybe He’s taken the day off?

There are certainly times where there are just straight up consequences for our own sin. And then there are the other times when we feel like we’re being punished or disciplined for no good reason.

Here’s what He has to say about it:

“…Don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child He loves that He disciplines; the child He embraces, He also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? …God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best.” [Hebrews 12:5-10 msg]

What feels like punishment may actually be a gift. 

The obstacles that feel like roadblocks, cutting off your success, may just be God’s loving hand attempting to slow you down or to teach you.

He waits and hopes that you will trust Him. God isn’t like us. He doesn’t wonder if He made the right choice. He isn’t wishing He had a do-over to teach us something again. He gets it right the first time, every time.

We often blame the enemy anytime something doesn’t go our way. And yeah, he’s out to get us for sure. And there is so much in this world that is just so dark and confusing. But God is for us. Even in the moments when we aren’t sure if He’s forgotten. In the moments when we feel like what’s happening to us doesn’t line up with who He says He is. In your time of question and pain and doubt, God is proving Himself faithful. He never gives into anything but the best.

He is the very best Dad. And you are His own.

God can handle our doubt and our questions. But we become drained and weary when we don’t trust Him. Because we were made for Him.

What would your life look like if you decided to trust Him? I mean, like, totally, 100%? When things don’t line up. When you can’t see where it’s headed. When you feel like you’re being disciplined. When someone gets sick. What if we committed to trust that God really is good, kind, loving, just, and faithful? It feels simple and small, but it’s everything. I’m in it with you.

 

God,

Would you help our unbelief? Would you strengthen our hearts to trust that You always know what You’re doing? We waver so much. And we’re so quick to judge Your intentions. Help us to trust You with it all. Help us to begin to grasp just how wide and long and deep Your love truly is for us. You are good, and we want to believe everything You say about us. 

 

“But even if we are faithless, He will still be full of faith, for he never wavers in His faithfulness to us!” [2 Timothy 2:13]

Do you ever feel kind of invisible?

I read an article the other day entitled “The Invisible Workload of Motherhood is Killing Me.” I clicked on it, of course because, this is my life. If I’m honest, I feel like most of what I do as a mom is invisible.

They listed out the infinite thoughts that take up our brain space that no one ever really sees. I started paying attention to mine yesterday. It went like this:

“My kid has a fever. Do I bring him into the doctor or am I rushing it? I have to keep track of when his symptoms started, but honestly I don’t know. I’ll make chicken soup because the kids like it but that means I have to put chicken in the crockpot in the morning, but the crock pot is dirty from last night so I need to wash it. There are goldfish spilled all over my bedroom floor that need to be vacuumed. All of the towels are dirty so I need to wash those and make sure I don’t forget to put them in the dryer. My son has a dentist appointment Thursday morning, I wonder if he still has a fever and I cancel if they’ll charge me? I should probably call tomorrow and just cancel to be safe….”

And that was about three minutes of the day.

The article was so validating, honestly. It’s really well written and I was like, YES! I am doing so many things that nobody sees. These are the things that wear me down. Accompany that with this past weekend. Our family attended a youth retreat where my husband was the speaker. Normally I get to serve alongside him, but we brought the kids this time. So I sat in the back and brought the snacks and the crayons and carried around coats and hats and packed and unpacked for four people.

Wahhh, amiright?

Slowly and somehow also suddenly, God checked my heart and reminded me:

Nothing you do is invisible to Me.

The ways you care for your family that no one will ever see? God sees.

Running out to the grocery store at 7 am to get Popsicles and Gatorade? God sees.

Keeping track of who needs new shoes? God sees.

Remembering when the library books are due back so you don’t get charged? God sees.

One of the most beautiful names for God comes from the first book of the Bible. A pregnant mom named Hagar ran away because she was being mistreated. And God searched for her and found her.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” [Genesis 16:13]

Our God is the God who sees. I know it feels like so much of what you do goes unnoticed, let alone acknowledged or appreciated. And I know that deep down, you’re doing it out of love. And you’d do it whether you got noticed or not. But it can feel so lonely to have so many things inside of your head to keep track of, feeling a tiny bit crazy wondering if anyone else has a never ending running list, too.

There are moments as a mom that you know matter. Choosing the stillness with them when you could be doing something else. Reading another book at bedtime even though you just want to be done. It doesn’t feel like much in the moment, but we hold onto hope that all of these little choices add up throughout their life and they will know love because of those small moments.

But, are they going to be better people because you got rid of that mysterious bottle in the back of the fridge, or changed the laundry over before it started to smell? Is it really an investment to meal plan and stay in budget and figure out an organizational system for when they grow out of their clothes?

It may have nothing to do with how they turn out as people.

But if you feel invisible and maybe a tiny bit insane, I’m here to tell you that He sees.

He sees when you drop them off at daycare or school and go to work to provide.

He sees when you pack lunches or snacks that you know they like.

He sees that you know how to cut the sandwich and you know that she likes grapes and he doesn’t anymore.

He sees that you know when you’re out of toilet paper and Tylenol and when someone needs new socks.

He sees.

Isn’t it so fitting that the one to gave this name to the Lord, “The One Who Sees” was a pregnant mom?

Not only does He see you, but you have the opportunity to see Him. You can choose to acknowledge Him when you’re switching the laundry. When you make lunch. When you are sweeping the floor for the fourteenth time today.

The One who sees you wants you to see Him.

You are not invisible.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” [2 Chronicles 16:9]

One of the worst parts about being a parent has got to be going to bed feeling like you just didn’t get it right.

Some days, you totally nail it. You were patient, everyone ate healthy, people got along. And then there are the other days where just nothing works. It just feels like frustration and impatience and you start to wonder, “Do I really even like these people?”

I want so badly to teach my kids to live righteously. To love God with all of their hearts and to forgive and to share and to have patience and empathy… to have fun but also to be wise. Okay, fine, I just want them to be totally perfect. What’s wrong with that? But on the nights I go to bed wishing I could have a redo, the pressure is just so much. I’ve screwed them up, for sure. I’m wondering:

Are they going to bed feeling sad?

Are they going to trust me?

Am I teaching them to trust God?

It’s all so dang heavy, isn’t it? It often feels like too much. They are probably definitely doomed and will end up in counseling because of that time I yelled at them too loud for putting gobs of toilet paper in the toilet.

My favorite thing about still having a toddler is her how easily she forgives. We did not have a great night. She just couldn’t get it together. There was lots of screaming on her part. Crying on both of our parts. We did the whole bedtime thing and then .7 seconds later she had to go pee. And then the toilet paper gobs. I yelled. She cried.

But within minutes, I was holding her while she calmed down and she asked me to lay with her. I knew I was the one who made her cry but she still wanted me to comfort her. It kind of seemed unfair to her. I felt like I didn’t deserve the job.

And I was reminded yet again that God wanted me to be her parent. He knew my shortcomings and the places I lack. He knew what kind of personality she would have and how it would so often clash with mine. And as much as I screw it up, He knew the pieces of His heart that she would learn through me.

Me… anxious, impatient, emotional.

Yeah, me.

He chose me to teach her how to ask for forgiveness.

He chose me to show her that as she grows, it’s okay and normal to not have it all together.

He wanted me to be her example of how to trust Him through anxiety and heartbreak.

He didn’t pick me because I was the best one for the job. He chose me to be her mom in hopes that through me, she would learn just how kind and consistent He is. 

Insecurity is the liar that is begging you to give in to defeat. If you can be convinced you’re probably failing, then why try at all? Why keep giving so much effort when you just keep screwing it up? It sounds so harsh, but I know we all feel it. This sense of defeat where we would just rather kind of sulk and give into feelings of worthlessness than pour out more of ourselves again to our kids. It takes a lot of effort to pour out more love when you feel like a crappy parent.

We don’t just need more patience and self-control, although those are pretty necessary for the survival of children of all ages.

We need humility.

We’re desperately grasping for wisdom, but hurdling over the first step that leads to wisdom. And it’s humility.

In humility, we’re not worried about our sense of control. We’re not focused on “getting it right.” Can we be super honest? Aren’t most of us trying to keep up with the parents around us? Whether they’re on Instagram, or in our real life, so much of what we try to control is what everyone else sees.

But it’s the quiet moments when we set our pride and our need for control aside where the real stuff happens. That’s when they learn who we truly are, and who He is.

“But with the humble [the teachable who have been chiseled by trial and who have learned to walk humbly with God] there is wisdom and soundness of mind.” [Proverbs 11:2 AMP]

Sounds like parenting, right? Chiseled by trial. That’s exactly what these little people are doing to us. They break us down, but they’re building and molding us. And if we lean into teachability and humility, God promises that wisdom follows. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for, really?

How can you lean into humility today? Is it apologizing when you mess up? Is it treating your spouse differently? Is it choosing to push insecurity and worthlessness aside, and lean into love instead? Putting our children’s needs ahead of us doesn’t just look like eating last and never going to the bathroom alone. It’s humbling ourselves before our Father, and showing our little people that He will take care of the rest.

 

“Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity. Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves. Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests. And consider the example that Jesus, the Anointed One, has set before us. Let his mindset become your motivation.” [Philippians 2:3-4 TPT]

Anxiety.

To some of us, it looks like random moments and thoughts that feel like worry. To some of us, it’s a panicked way of life. It speaks quietly at first, with racing thoughts that just can’t be tamed. It sweeps in with a false sense of control. It becomes the normal way of life until it begins to raise its voice. And suddenly you realize you’re absolutely not in control, and you’re not sure how it happened or where to go.

I pushed against it for years, but very intentionally for the past year. I believe that Jesus is enough for my every need, so I felt like I must have been doing something wrong to still be going through it. Experiencing anxiety felt like the opposite of trusting Him, and I fought allowing it to be a part of who I was. I heard examples of kids in therapy creating stuffed animals for their anxiety and becoming friends. And I wondered: how can that be what God wants? To accept a tactic of the enemy – fear – to be a part of the body made in Christ’s image? No way.

But the truth is that I am merely a reflection of Christ. Made in His image. I am not Christ. The longer I fight the pieces that inevitably come at me from living in the world, the more energy I spend fighting and losing and pretending I am God.

Until I accepted anxiety as a fact and a reality, I couldn’t truly allow Jesus to save me from it. I wonder how many of us are tired of fighting. How many of us are spending our energy denying what’s been coming at us, trying so hard to focus on Jesus, but somehow… He seems further away?

I’ll guess you’re like me, and you don’t want to be a part of the same things the world goes through. We are in the world, and not of it, right? So we shouldn’t struggle the same way as everyone else.

But what if it’s God’s kindness that we all struggle?

What if it’s the mercy of God that we are facing the same kind of reality?

The longer we convince ourselves we are alone, we miss it. God is giving us the opportunity to not wander around the earth truly feeling nuts because no one else gets it.

People do get it. But we’re afraid to own it. To ourselves and to others, because we are convinced it doesn’t seem like something our God can be a part of. However you want to label it. Whether it’s a medical diagnosis or just a part of your thought pattern, we find ways to separate God from the parts of us we think He doesn’t like.

But the fullness of God can only inhabit when we admit that we, on our own, are not already full.

We are anxious. We are fearful. On our own.

But with Him, we are strong, courageous overcomers.

And yet, the pain follows, doesn’t it? Breath seems to escape us and thoughts race and heart rates increase.

Instead of hiding and convincing ourselves that if we were truly free, we wouldn’t have to experience this stuff – God’s begging us to step into the true freedom of accepting everything He is and everything we are. We cannot escape reality by denying it. But we can step into true freedom by accepting the Truth, the One who sets us free.

For so long I wondered why it seemed His strength didn’t cover my weakness in this area. He promised me that He would be enough for the places I couldn’t measure up, and I just didn’t see that happening.

But what if anxiety isn’t a weakness He’s looking to make strong?

Anxiety leads us to search for peace.

Anxiety reminds us we don’t have it all together.

Anxiety reminds us we are not the ones in control.

The Bible’s command for anxiety is not to seek strength or courage or to push through.

It is to pray.

And to be thankful.

It provides the opportunity to seek the true gift of Peace.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” [ Philippians 4:6-7]

I know it’s not black and white. I know my experience may not be what you’ve experienced. You may not be functioning. You may be so unsure if it’s even God’s plan for you to live through it all.

I’m not an expert. All I know is that too many of us are weary. And I’m afraid too many of us are missing the Peace that is available to us because of what we’ve been told or maybe what what we’ve convinced ourselves of. But our God is a right here and now God. He is not pushing you to be strong or to figure it out. He’s gently reminding you today that you have access to the One who does have it figured out. And just maybe, the thing that you think is bringing you down, could be the same thing that elevates you to a nearer and deeper place. A place of intimacy and depth and need. It feels ugly because it’s desperate, but to Him, it’s perfect. And maybe the thing we’ve been begging Him to take away is the very space He’s hoping you’ll lean into, because it creates more opportunity for you to need Him.

So let His perfect love cast out fear, as you invite Him in.

Tell me you’ve seen the Netflix show, Tidying Up.

If you’re in my life for any reason, you’ve heard about it. Because I binged it quicker than any other show and have totally adapted it to my winter goals. If you haven’t watched it, don’t tune out! I promise I won’t try to convert you. It’s an adorable Japanese woman who helps families declutter and organize their houses. I’m very aware that things like this are trendy, and what works today may not work tomorrow. But I also believe that it’s valuable to see what works for other people, and adapt it to your own life.

So if you’ve watched the show and are wondering: No, I do not thank my clothes when I give them away.

But.

Throughout the past year of processing I’ve learned the value of what an organized space does for my mental health. Especially as a stay at home mom… the “home” is kind of in my job title. So I threw myself in this January. Things I’ve been wanting to tackle for years… well, they’re getting tackled. And I will not lie to you. I feel great about it. My socks and underwear are folded, and my clothes are actually being put back where they go. Throughout the process, I’ve found my anxiety level going down and that I’m working toward my word for the year of contentment. I felt like maybe this was my answer.

And then this week happened. You know what I mean. Where you feel like all the work, all the progress, all the growth you’ve made somehow disappeared and you’re not sure where you are anymore. I found myself impatient, anxious and irritable again. And I couldn’t figure out what changed.

I finally sat down to read the beautiful book my sister-in-law gave me; Gracelaced by Ruth Chou Simons. Look at the cover. The inside is even more beautiful.

 

You can check out here book here. In the very first few pages, she hit on exactly why I was feeling so unsettled. I could have written it myself. She writes, “Any notion I have of finding comfort and satisfaction in the perfection of my surroundings has simply show in itself for what it is: an idol of the heart that can neither sustain nor deliver.”

Yeah, ouch. That’s how I felt, too. In my very well-intentioned search for peace and order, I created an idol that no one would ever have to know was there. A perfection of my surroundings. Which, will not only distract and frustrate me, but it’s straight up impossible. Isn’t that just like us, though? To start off wanting to honor God in the small stuff, take care of ourselves and our things… and before we know it, we forgot God was supposed to be a part of it at all.

She asked a question that can be dug as deep as you are willing to dig.

What are the false shelters in your life?

I believe it matters that we identify what a shelter even means to us. The place we run to when we’re scared, or needing comfort. A familiar place that we know will surround and protect us. I’m gonna share my false shelters with you because I was amazed at my own list. And I hope that presenting this question to you offers you space to ask it of yourself. As you read through the words, ask yourself if any of them sound like something you’ve made a false shelter.

 

My home is not my shelter.

Comfort is not my shelter.

Contentment is not my shelter.

A calm environment is not my shelter.

Affirmation is not my shelter.

My husband is not my shelter.

A positive self-esteem is not my shelter.

Self-care is not my shelter.

My best friend is not my shelter.

Understanding is not my shelter.

Image is not my shelter.

Joy is not my shelter.

Control is not my shelter.

The list could go on.

The trick and the trap for me was that all of these things are gifts God has given me to enrich my life and promote and sustain my freedom. In fact, they’re godly influences and desires. But when I make my shelter, my safe place, my dwelling under anything else except the shadow of God Himself, it will fail me.

So what is it for you? What have you found yourself running to when things feel too hard? What have you hoped would protect and comfort you? That thing may not have let you down yet, but it will.

You may not be decluttering your entire house this month. It may be your success at your job. It may be that person who is always there for you. It may be a high. It may be a secret. It may be hearing compliments on your well-behaved kids.

He is the only one who can fill whatever the empty space is. It’s such a balance, though, right? This is what will take us a lifetime to learn. Jesus is the end-all and the be-all. He is absolutely everything we need. And yet He encourages practical, thought out ways that matter in thriving in our every day lives.

Can we be bold enough to ask God to call out the things that we’ve let take His place? Good or bad, are we willing to trade their temporary shade for the safety of an Almighty God’s shadow?

I’m praying for boldness and transparency for you now, wherever it is that you sit. As you breathe and read and wonder what this means in your own life. That as you turn your hands open to release what you thought would protect you, God would pour out more and more grace to sustain you.

Anyone else’s kids sick? Or sick themselves?

From what I’ve seen pretty much everywhere, the answer is “YUP.”

It’s just that time of year I guess. Speaking of that time of year, thanks for being patient with me as I took a few intentional weeks not to write and share it with the world. I’ve found in my own life there’s a lot to be said for setting it all aside for God and surrendering the whole thing once again to Him. So if you happen to follow me here, we’re back!

My kids really aren’t too sick, but in the past few months both of them have experienced allergic reactions. The kind that landed us in the ER. These are just the most unpleasant experiences as a parent. Thankfully they were both treated insanely well and really quickly and are both doing fine. But yesterday we were at the doctor for normal winter symptoms. Fever, sore throat, all the yuck.

Waiting in the doctor’s office (for more than an hour!!!) I found myself wondering if I was a crazy person or maybe just a really bad parent because part of me enjoys having a sick kid.

Yeah… I said it.

Just hang on, though. I said part. The bigger part of me hates it. It’s awful to watch, it’s a helpless feeling, it’s inconvenient, it’s exhausting… lots of it is just bad. But then there’s the other small piece. I don’t even think I could give it a percentage but there’s this part of your brain that just kind of shuts off, and whatever else needed to happen can wait. Sick kids = quality time. Whether you like it or not. And mine are young enough that when they’re sick they’re suuuuuper cuddly. Like I said, most of it’s really sucky. But then there are the moments when they fall asleep on you like they did when they were a baby. You’re reminded that the little punk that wears you out is a little helpless person, and you really do like them. And you just know deep down they feel like crap, and anything you can do to make it better, you just do.

So, yeah. Honestly, I don’t hate that part. I don’t hate the part that I am the one who can make them feel better. I don’t hate that they just want to be still with me. I (usually) don’t hate that it forces me to focus on them and be still myself.

I wonder so very often how God feels about everything I’m doing. I believe 100% that His heart breaks when mine is broken. And when my body or my heart is in pain, He’s in pain, too. That He grieves when I grieve. But I have begun to wonder if there’s that Father piece of His heart that just swells when I slow down enough to need Him. When I’ve run myself into the ground, and I know I can’t make myself feel better. He hates that I feel that way, but He’s loving that we get some time together.

This is what He has to say to all of us, no matter how many times we need to hear it:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” [Matthew 11:28-30 msg]

If you read that like I read it, your brain is kinda like, “That sounds nice.” But not like an actual possibility. But is it possible? We view it as more of a “running to God when we get sick” kind of mentality. That’s when we get our rest, right? When we have no choice but to collapse, just like a sick kid.

No. God’s talking about recovery here. Restoration. Not even rejuvenation or a recharge. A recharge is what you do with your phone when the battery’s low. And then we use it, run it as long as we can and charge it up again when we have time. God’s way is different. It’s consistent and it’s all-encompassing. He makes things new, not just good enough to get by.

So here’s what matters. When we run ourselves ragged, and we’re finally sick and collapsing in front of Him, we feel bad. We spend most of our time explaining to Him where we’ve been and trying to figure out how to get back and running our minds and our mouths… All the while, He’s waiting. With open arms. He knows where you’ve been. And He cares where you’re going.

If you find yourself feeling worn, like a sick little kid who needs to be held, just stop fooling yourself. You’re not fooling God. You’ve got to run. Drop it all. Drop the excuses that you think He wants to hear. Drop your need for control.

And if you don’t have the energy to run, then just turn around.

Your enemy has been whispering that God hasn’t been following you the whole time. That while you’ve worked and run the opposite way, God’s merely been shaking His head at you in disappointment. It’s simply not true. Face the lie head on and turn around.

 

“Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged.

God, your God is with you every step you take.”

[Joshua 1:9 msg]

I love having new goals and dreams for the new year. I kind of hate resolutions. I feel like we’ve all learned by now those hardly ever truly stick.

But I set one. Are you ready? It’s deep.

Light the good candles.

I know. Take a minute and just be inspired. I’ll wait.

 

I buy cheap candles. For Christmas two years ago, my husband bought me a Homesick candle. Those suckers are expensive! So I made this one last. I would only light it on super special occasions. Guys, I’ve had it for over two years. Honestly, I even hold out on the the cheap ones because I hate to “waste” them.

I realized that I do this in most aspects of my life. I like for things to be in order. I only light the good candles if the house is clean. I hate cooking unless the kitchen is clean first. I can’t relax or enjoy unless all of the outliers are complete. The problem is that I’ve unknowingly translated this into my relationship with God. I often try to compartmentalize my time with God into neat and tidy spaces. But God isn’t neat or tidy or confined. He’s all-encompassing and overwhelming.

Lighting the good candles is the reminder to not wait. To release control. When I wait for the right moment, I’m living out of a mindset of scarcity and lack. That God isn’t really enough. Instead, God is asking me to pour it all out and trust that He’s the God of abundance. Of mercy that’s brand new every day. Of unlimited hope.

True breakthrough is never ours to manufacture. It is ours to invite. God decides when and how. We decide whether or not we will limit Him. The prayer you are convinced God must not have heard, even though it’s been years. Can He answer it on a Thursday morning? Or are you waiting for just the right moment?

Be honest. Aren’t your deepest relationships built in the most unexpected moments? They’re made in the struggle, the raw, the times that you couldn’t have planned yourself. Most of my favorite memories with my friends or my husband are not on set aside dates or intentional meetings. They’re the times in the car with the music blaring, or the last minute, “Hey, what are you doing?”

When we over protect our space and our time, we don’t leave room for the unexpected.

Miracles.

Breakthrough.

Freedom.

If we could plan it out and create it ourselves, it would lose the supernatural power of our God. What if we truly grasped surrender to however God wanted to move? What if we were just always prepared for the breakthrough in the unexpected?

I don’t want to pretend anymore that God can’t speak to me when I’m cooking dinner for my family. I don’t want to wait until everything feels perfect. I want to invite God in however and whenever He wants. I want to mean it when I say that I trust Him. Don’t you?

So I invite you to steal my resolution or come up with your own this year.

Light the good candles.

 

“We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment                                   that He has already thrown open His door to us.                                                                         We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we would stand –                                       out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory,                                                       standing tall and shouting our praise.”                                                                                 [Romans 5:1-2 msg]

It’s the last day of the year. How are you?

New Year’s Eve is my fave. I love reflecting. I love eating appetizers for dinner. My husband asked me to marry him at midnight on December 31. I love everything about it. It’s like a new start right in the middle of winter.

Except for last year. It was like celebrating anything new felt wrong. My dad had passed away and had been gone less than two months. How were we supposed to celebrate new beginnings? We didn’t. To be honest, I’m not sure what we did. But it was just silent and felt unsure.

You may be feeling that way heading into a new year. Like tomorrow is just another day; just another change in the calendar. You definitely don’t want to reflect and the thought of creating new goals or hopes is exhausting.

You need to know you aren’t alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you resist a new year because you feel empty or weary, don’t believe the lie that you’re the only one.

Your God isn’t up in heaven shaking His head, just waiting for you to get it together. The most incredible thing about God is that He offers new life every day of the year. It’s who He is and it’s what He does. But God isn’t rushing your process, and neither should you. He’s not expecting you to be somewhere you’re not.

He just hopes you accept grace. The same kind of grace you’d extend to someone else. The way you allow others to grieve and process and journey? He’s asking you to accept it for yourself.

It’s okay to be unsure.

It’s okay to feel lonely.

It’s okay to resist hope.

It’s okay to go slow.

So instead of working hard to try to be somewhere you’re not, figure out where you are now. You are not in the same place you were last year. Whether you feel like it’s better or worse, it’s still different and new. Whether you feel like you moved forward or backward, you have grown.

Acknowledge where you are and then acknowledge your Savior, your Helper, who is reaching out to you offering grace and hope. His promises are yes and amen. His Word is true whether you can make sense of it on your timeline or not.

Here is what He says:

“I have good plans for you. I don’t plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future. Then you will call on my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me, and when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me. I will let you find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 ERV

“We are still alive because the Lord’s faithful love never ends. Every morning He shows it in new ways! You are so very true and loyal.” Lamentations 3:22-23 ERV

The world is begging you to grow in concrete ways. To keep up. But God’s view of success is different. Don’t worry about setting goals or fulfilling your dreams this next year. In fact, don’t worry about anything. God’s got your dreams covered. Make it your plan to just be.

Be you.

Be His.

 

“I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace as you trust in Him. Then you will have more and more hope, and it will flow out of you by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13