Do you ever look at an argument after the fact and wonder how it turned into such a big deal?
Ever feel like it happens the most with the person you love the most?
Marriage is weird.
You promised yourself to a person out of love and devotion. And most likely had no idea what you were doing, and still don’t.
You do your best each day to love, not out of just emotion or passion, but because you’re beginning to understand more about real love: sacrifice and servanthood.
But you’re balancing your kids, your job, meal planning and staying in budget – oh, and staying healthy. You’re trying to exercise because everyone else is skinny, you’re trying to keep a clean house because what kind of wife are you if you can’t make a house a home?
If we’re not careful, the people closest to us become last on the list and get the worst sides of us. So we run to God and throw a list at Him of things that we need help with; maybe really sincerely and out of desperation. But it most often comes out like: “Dear God, can you fix my husband?”
Maybe you’re a lot kinder than that, but if we’re honest, aren’t our reactions so often that way? Maybe we say: yeah, I love him, but he doesn’t help me the way I need. He doesn’t see the things that I see. Does he have to put his stuff down RIGHT THERE when he comes home? He doesn’t even compliment me anymore. Why can’t he be more like her husband? He probably doesn’t love me anymore.
Too often, I’m worried about what I look like as a wife on the outside, rather than how I’m serving my husband in ways no one else sees. We’re complaining, maybe even praying about our husband, but not necessarily for him.
What your husband really needs – is a prayer warrior.
The problem is our enemy wants us to feel exceedingly and overwhelmingly unseen and under-appreciated. If he can get us feeling like we’re killing ourselves without any recognition, he’s done his job. Because we’ll fall into exhaustion and bitterness, and ultimately will pull away from the one we vowed to stick with through better or worse. And instead of praying for him or even praying that we’ll be changed ourselves, we complain and find fault.
Anything he can feed you to keep you from covering your husband in prayer, he’ll say.
Maybe it sounds like:
“He doesn’t really understand you.”
“You made a mistake. You guys just can’t figure out how to love each other.”
“He’s not giving you what you need – why should you try?”
Make no mistake: thoughts like these are not your own. They are straight from hell, working HARD to separate what God has joined together.
He’s convincing you that there is one person with the issue here – and it’s clearly not you. The more he can take your focus off of yourself and place blame, the better.
It can be so un-fun at times. Because probably, there are times you’re right and he’s wrong. But if you’re a human and you’re a woman, there are times you’re wrong, too. And there are times you took it out on him when it wasn’t his fault. Times when you had an unsaid expectation that he didn’t meet, and he really never had a chance. Times when he felt that he was undervalued or misunderstood.
God created this partnership – and it’s beautiful and holy. But another person was never meant to fill your every need, or even to love you 100% purely and unconditionally.
Whether you’re madly in love or on the brink of divorce, your job is to let yourself first be fully loved by God. To accept His great love for you, to daily ask Him to seek your heart and take out whatever junk doesn’t belong.
And second, your role is to pray for your husband. The world wants women to be fierce, and guess what? We are fierce. But maybe sometimes the intention is wrong. The world tells us to be strong in order to gain something for ourselves. Our God tells us we are strong through our weakness, and our strength will be used for His glory.
So be fierce, and to go to war. Go to war for your own heart, and for his. Seek God on his behalf. Declare favor, wisdom, insight, protection, strength, over his day and over his life.
Not even sure how or where to begin? Find some scriptures and just pray them. Say them out loud, or write them down. Stick them on index cards and hide them in your car, next to your bed, or at your desk. Our offensive weapon in this spiritual battle is the word of God. Stick his name right in the middle and make it personal.
“That [my husband’s] love may about more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that [he] may be able to discern what is vest and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.” Philippians 1:9
“[I pray that my husband would…] Pray continually; giving thanks in all circumstances.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17
“[I pray my husband wouldn’t] copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform him into a new person by changing the way he thinks. Then he will learn to know God’s will for his life, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2
Your enemy wants you to discount the power you have in fighting for your marriage. But the greatest thing about it is that God Himself will fight it for you.
You are a warrior. In more ways than you thought.