the real thing that’s killing your contentment

photo-1553114552-c4ece3a33c93Eesh.

Okay, honestly, this is one of those posts I’d just rather not share with the internet world. So if you don’t relate, please don’t judge me. Just collect $200 and pass go.

You ever have a fight with your husband or your kid or your mom and either during the argument or sometime after you realize, “Man, this is just dumb“?

I find myself there a lot lately. It’s like, I know this isn’t the end of the world, but it feeeeels like it is. The last one was about pillow cushions. Yes. I’m not gonna get into the details because it’s irrelevant and way too long, but honestly, it turned into a pretty big discussion. Because my husband took the pillow covers off of the cushions. And I wanted them back two minutes ago. And I turned it into a much bigger deal than it should have been.

I tried to explain to him and rationalize to both of us that it wasn’t really about the pillow cushions. It wasn’t really about the clutter on the kitchen counters. It was about everything and anything because my brain tells me I’m incapable of separating thoughts. So if I’m overwhelmed by one thing, I’m overwhelmed by all things.

My head is full of nonstop thoughts and words and questions all waking hours of the day – and the only place I have to put them is OUT OF MY HEAD. I rationalize this, too. I’m “venting.” I’m “processing.” And to be fair to myself, and to you who might just relate, lots of the time, I really am.

But then my processing and my healthy coping skill of simply voicing my thoughts take a pretty sharp turn into complaining. And I can feel it. I can sense what it’s doing to me, and to the people around me but I often feel so powerless. Because I just need someone to understand. But no matter how many words I use or how often I use them, I find no one truly understands. Because they’re not me. So I spin myself into an unfulfilling cycle of unmet and unrealistic needs.

I wonder if I’m not alone.

I wonder if there are some more of us out there who are tired of feeling ungrateful.

Who have felt held captive by our own thoughts that convince us that we’re alone and no one understands just how overwhelmed we are.

So what do we do? No amount of self-talk or choosing joy can fix our inner needs.

Complaining kills our contentment.

Our deep need for approval, for peace, to be understood and heard: it comes from contentment.

Being content in every circumstance because we know our God is enough.

Choosing to be content in knowing our God is present in every moment – the super fulfilling and the insanely draining.

Content knowing that wishing for more will never fill the holes we feel.

We choose to be content knowing that because God is enough, we have enough.

We have enough peace.

We have enough validation.

We have enough energy to do more than just get through the day.

We are heard. We are seen. We are fully known.

 

I know it feels like the world is crashing down in the moment. Even if you can rationalize that your brain is lying to you, your heart is begging your thoughts to just slow down and listen to the truth:

You are okay. You are not drowning. You will make it. Whatever you’re facing, God has already seen and conquered on your behalf. 

This stuff you’re facing? It’s super real. It’s hard and it’s pulling you in a million directions. But you aren’t drowning. Honestly. You’ve got to change the narrative in your mind. And when you can’t find the strength to switch your thoughts, you make the choice to change your words. Your mind and your heart hears when you declare what’s true instead of what your emotions tell you.

So when your job is driving you crazy, and your co workers are draining and negative:  God is sufficient, and I am content.

When you can’t seem to make sense of your finances, and your brain doesn’t even know where to start:                                                                                                                                 God is sufficient, and I am content.

When you’re at the end of your patience with your kids and you’re convinced you were never made to be a mom:                                                                                                             God is sufficient, and I am content.

When the diagnosis is so big and dark and the road ahead is long and open-ended:      God is sufficient, and I am content.

 

Repeat it over and over, even if it feels like it’s stretching the truth. Repeat it until it becomes the new narrative. Repeat it until the negative cycle of words are replaced with the Truth.

But godliness actually is a source of great gain when accompanied by contentment [that contentment which comes from a sense of inner confidence based on the sufficiency of God].” 1 Timothy 6:6 AMP

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