Summer is here!
This is our first real summer now that both of the kids had some sort of school, and we’re all pumped about it. I have big dreams. I’m creating a bucket list. We’re gonna make memories. They will remember this summer the rest of their life…
And oh my gosh, then the first week happened.
I am not even being dramatic. It was so rough. I don’t know if it was just the transition of schedules, if they aren’t used to being together so much, but it was a serious punch to the gut. And I’m like… Uhh, are we gonna make it til September!?
To be really honest, I wonder very constantly if I’m cut out to be a stay at home mom. I have said to myself and to others, “I don’t know if it’s really my thing.” “I don’t know if I’m that kind of mom.” My brain works so differently. I don’t enjoy crafts, I really hate play doh… And super selfishly, lots of the time, my days are just planned around me.
In my most desperate moments, these are the texts that I’ve sent my husband:
“I can’t do it anymore. I want to quit.”
And I meant it. Quitting my job means quitting being a mom, and I knew exactly what I meant.
And then one of the days when I was having this thought, God must have just been tired of hearing it. I didn’t hear Him use these exact words, but it was a confrontation that I know was His voice.
He reminded me that He chose these particular children for me to raise. It’s not about whether or not I’m great at “my job.” It’s not about keeping up with the moms who view their positions differently than me. It has nothing to do with crafts or creativity or being adventurous. It has everything to do with calling.
“Jesus has the power of God. And his power has given us everything we need to live a life devoted to God. We have these things because we know him. Jesus chose us by his glory and goodness, through which he also gave us the very great and rich gifts that he promised us. With these gifts you can share in being like God. And so you will escape the ruin that comes to people in the world because of the evil things they want.
Because you have these blessings, do all you can to add to your life these things: to your faith add goodness; to your goodness add knowledge; to your knowledge add self-control; to your self-control add patience; to your patience add devotion to God; to your devotion add kindness toward your brothers and sisters in Christ, and to this kindness add love. If all these things are in you and growing, you will never fail to be useful to God. You will produce the kind of fruit that should come from your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” [2 Peter 1:3 ERV]
Have you questioned if you’re cut out for it? Whatever “it” is to you. Have you wanted to escape your life for a new one? Have you prayed, “God, make me brand new“, and seriously meant it? You want to just watch as God demolishes your current life and allow Him to start from scratch. New personality, less struggle – so much less of who you are now.
God promises that He is always doing a new thing. His mercy is brand new every morning. He leads us to ask Him for a new heart. But I don’t think He sees new like we see it. When God designed you, He took the time to mold you and shape you and knit you together. He doesn’t plan on tossing any of His designs away. Is there crap that we pick up along our life that doesn’t belong there? Yeah, and those are the pieces that He carefully removes when we ask. But instead of starting from scratch, God is going to continue to build on what you already have. He’s already given you everything you need to live a life that pleases Him. You’re simply allowing Him to add more to your life. Faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, patience, devotion, kindness, and love.
Have you wanted to quit? I really do know the feeling. But God’s asking you to hold on and to allow Him to reshape you. He takes His every good intention and molds it, and when you allow Him in, you can never fail to be useful to Him.
I don’t know what this season looks like. I don’t know if you’re hating your job, hating your role, confused about your calling, or what. But listen: you have what it takes. You have all of the creativity, patience, wisdom and self-control in the world because you are connected to the One who supplies it all. He’s not reshaping you or making you new because He doesn’t like who you are now. He’s simply molding you closer and closer to His image. Through the struggles and every missed step, He’s increasing our Christlikeness. With every new touch of His hand, we begin to see ourselves more from His perspective. Through His eyes.
So let’s stop asking to be someone that we’re not. Even if it’s just an internal word that never gets spoken out loud. Let’s embrace our true identity as someone who God already loves now. We are capable now. We are enough now. And yet, thankfully, there is so much more.
“Create a new, clean heart within me.
Fill me with pure thoughts and holy desires, ready to please you.”