yay, I suck at this.

I’ll be honest with you. I cannot believe that I am still writing about the difficulties of this season. Shouldn’t we have moved onto something new by now? Instead, many of us are simply deeper into a new reality of change. For my family, we are experiencing month eight (!?!?) of my husband working remotely and two months into virtual learning. I truly do not know if anything else has tested my patience or my sanity like virtual learning with a kindergartener and first grader. It is all-consuming. That is not an exaggeration. The past two months have driven me to new facets of exhaustion.

I know I’m not the only one. You many not have children at home, but can we agree on one thing over the past eight months? It has shown us so much of who we truly are. But it has also shown us what are aren’t. We have been walking through a season that has tested every side of our personality, and it’s brought out something we wish would stay hidden. Our weaknesses.

Weakness is both tangible and intangible. It is both physical and emotional. And we fight against both.

Weakness and insecurity are not synonymous. Insecurity says: “I am not enough.” Weakness says: “I will let God be enough.”

Paul tells us that it isn’t enough to simply accept our weaknesses. He says, “For Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” [2 Corinthians 12:10]

My very favorite author, Jennie Allen, says that the anecdote to our cynicism and negativity is delight. When are are in awe of God’s creation, our perspective changes. It is for the glory and the purpose of God that we are not super woman. To delight in our weakness is to marvel at God’s grace and power.

Catch this: if I delight in my weaknesses, I am not failing at anything. I am simply creating space for God to be bigger. This is not simply accepting the pieces of me I don’t like. This is finding complete joy in every single area of my life, longing for ways for God to show Himself stronger than my strongest piece.

Here’s the hard truth: Working to be enough on our own is more than simply detrimental to our lives – it’s an insult to the cross. Any time I put my fear, my need for control, my image of strength – into perspective of God, my Father, sacrificing Jesus for me, I want to melt into a puddle. Every time I fight to push through, I’m telling Jesus I can do it without Him. The moments where I’m rattled because my image isn’t reaching my invisible measuring stick, I’m devaluing the price Jesus paid for my freedom. Not simply eternal life, but freedom here in this life.  

This concept is not designed by God to make us feel small or less than. Rather, it frees us. It is a freeing thought to realize that God doesn’t really need me to be strong. He isn’t impressed when I hold it all together. But I won’t lie; I believe God is impressed with me. And with you. Just not in the way we think. Not like we’re collecting tally marks or stickers on a chart. Have you ever watched a child struggle to attempt a new task? Something you know that you could do twenty times faster, but it’s important that they learn? Like using a fork, tying their shoe, finishing their homework, or having a successful relationship. If God is our perfect Father, I think He delights when we give up our struggle, and turn to Him. We can face everything set in front of us with actual, perfect strength from an omnipotent God, rather than fake it and struggle on our own.

Every time I choose rest over productivity – I am telling everyone around me I trust God with my responsibilities

When I say no to adhere to my boundaries, I am allowing God space to intervene in someone else’s life instead of me.

Every time I ask for help – I am allowing others to serve God by serving me.

Every time I delight in my weakness, I am acknowledging the sovereignty and the power of God in my life.

But here’s the tricky part – we’ve got to name them. This is not self-deprecating or demeaning. Listing out our weaknesses and offering them to God is a beautiful act of surrender. I’ll admit my own here to you in hopes that you will in turn, offer your own to God.

As a mom, I am not enough. I need the Holy Spirit’s wisdom, patience, love and gentleness to be strong in me.

I will boast in my weakness as a wife. On my own, I can be selfish and self serving. In His strength, I have access to real love which does not keep a record of wrongs.

My body is not super human. This time of my life is draining, and I am not a failure because I need to rest more than normal. I will trust in the Lord to be my strength in the moments I need it.

I cannot be everything to everyone. I don’t have all the answers, and I was never designed to. I will trust that God is the Healer and the Protector of those I love. When I love them best, I leave room for God to be the most important One in their life.

Your turn. Where in your life can you delight in the places you are weak? The next time you find yourself disappointed in an area you feel you are lacking, offer it to God and count it as joy to trust that He is truly enough for you.

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