the other side of the door

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There are times when my good intentions go astray. Probably more than I’d like to admit.

I believe so much that the Word is true. I have seen miracles before my eyes. Like, crazy things that I used to mock. And honestly, sometimes that makes it hard when God’s answer isn’t a momentary miracle. When His answer is time and process.

I think what has confused me is that the things I’m asking Him for are really good. Big things in my marriage. Freedom in my family. Physical healing for someone I love. Like, they are things that I know He wants for me, too.

Here is His promise:

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7

Seriously, I struggle with this promise at times. Because, man, I have sought some things out from God. I have asked. I have knocked. I have legitimately banged on the door.

I have held onto the door for dear life… sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly rapping my knuckles on the wood. I have slid myself down to the floor – leaning my back against the door. And it felt like God was waiting on the other side of the door – doing what? Ignoring me? Doing the dishes? Preoccupied with someone else? Too busy to notice my desperate questions and tired of my incessant knocking?

No.

In my mind, when I make the step to lay out my deepest need; ask Him to do something in my life that I cannot do myself, I see it in a step-by-step process. Like a math equation.

Ask + Seek + Knock = Open door/Answer

When honestly, God is too kind to answer us with an equation that makes sense.

Oh, God, if you answered when we expected it every time, it would be on our terms. And I think I’ve learned my lesson on this. I really don’t want it on my terms. I want to be rescued on the terms of Your promise.

I want You to be bigger than me. On the outside, I hate the answer of “wait.” Or even just the answer of Your seemingly silent presence.

But I want You to be sovereign. And holy. And for you to know me better than I do. For you to know what I need when I think I already know. To gently show me You see me, but to just hold on.

You’re not passive. You’re not busy. You are active.

Your hand is on the door, too.

Begging me to not let that big, wooden door separate us.

Telling me to keep seeking. To keep my hand pressed against the door, almost like there’s nothing in between us. To see that You are so much closer than I think. To trust that the answer is for my benefit; no matter what is on the other side of that equal sign. So I can give you the honor. So the answer can only point back to You, no matter how long it takes. So I could never grow numb to your abundant blessings.

I trust in Your timing. I trust that what you have for me is better than what I can see.

The door may open. It may stay shut. It may open up to a new door.

But what I know, is that the One on the other side has been and always will be faithful.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:11

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