dear new mom, don’t worry about being present.

photo-1581702539705-3f78dfff135fOkay, if I were to have baby fever, now would be the time.

There are just brand new babies EVERYWHERE in my life. Seriously. And I’m talking brand new. Five days old. Five weeks old.

Newborns were always my favorite. They smell so good. They’re so squishy. They’re just kind of floppy. They stay curled up in a ball and you basically just hold them by their little bum.

I didn’t realize just how hard having newborns were until… like, now. I mean, I knew it was hard. I knew I was exhausted and stressed. I knew I was confused and had a lot of questions. But looking back, I struggled big time. I loved my babies but I felt some resentment. Nothing hurts me more than not being able to care for someone I love, and babies don’t always make their needs clear.

I know it’s different for everyone. It’s based on your personality and their little personality that’s somehow immediately larger than life. For some, it’s a cake walk. For others, it’s the most challenging time of their life. I’m writing the words to you that I needed to hear.

So just listen for a sec.

You are not a bad mom because you don’t love every moment.

You are not a bad mom because you’re not sure if you even like them sometimes.

You’re not a bad mom if you don’t feel like you have that mom intuition.

Most older moms are so well intentioned. Really. They may have overbearing advice, but they mean well. They don’t mean to make you feel guilty when they tell you to soak up every moment because it goes so fast. Truly. Every single mom says it because every single mom has lived it. No one can escape the reality of time. It all moves at the same pace, even if it feels like it ebbs and flows based on the season of life we’re in.

Please, please, please. Don’t feel guilty about not loving every single moment.

Being present should not be your number one priority. Your priority is needing Jesus.

Being present doesn’t mean you’re somehow un-human and you feel no frustration. Being present can only mean doing the best you can with what you have. Being present means truly loving with all that you are. And guess what? If all that you are in this very moment is anxious? Then that’s what you are right now. If all that you have is to take care of their physical needs and then you need to rest? Then you are loving them.

Love is not always happy. Love often feels confusing. Your lack of knowledge about what to do with your growing child is not a reflection of your competency or your love for them. Let’s all be reminded that Jesus’ mom lost him for several days and feel a little bit better about ourselves, shall we?

I understand. I really do. It matters that we don’t just wish our lives and our babies’ lives away. We’ll regret wishing it all moved faster. But we are human beings with limitations and emotions and moods. Oh, and also, we’re women. With hormones and such.

It’s. Hard.

Has God gifted you with a child? Then this is your calling. And this is what God promises to those whom He has called:

 “By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” [2 Peter 1:3]

He has called us to Himself. And He has given us everything we need to live the life He has for us. The only thing He’s asking is that we allow Him to be our strength in it.

It’s all a setup, really. A holy and magnificent setup of trust. God gives us these tiny little humans to care for twenty four hours a day. He’s given us the opportunity to trust Him in literally every second, because we have no idea what we’re doing. And as they grow, we continue to make the choice if we will let Him lead their lives or if we’ll try to control it ourselves.

My sincere hope for you and for me is this:

Entrust them to Him. 

All of them and all of you. You will get through this. Whatever season you’re walking in right now will change. It’s just the nature of life. Babies change. Kids grow. We all age. Instead of putting so much pressure on ourselves to be so present that we somehow slow down time, let’s let the inevitable happen.

Our time with our babies is out of our control.

But our trust? Our dependence on our Dad to lead us as we learn to parent? We get complete control here.

Let’s choose wisely and allow ourselves some peace.

Don’t worry about being present.

Instead, be desperate for a God who has absolutely everything you need.

 

He said to me, ‘My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.’ So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” [2 Corinthians 12:9]

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