A dear friend of mine is experiencing her first Mother’s Day without her mom, after living without her for only a few short weeks; all during a global pandemic. There are no words for this kind of loss. The reality is there are probably more of us who feel loss on Mother’s Day than those of us who don’t. It’s time we recognize how we are all feeling on this day.
When we boil it down, what makes a good mom, anyway? What is this mysterious thing that we are either grateful for or we are lacking?
Here is how you described what a mother is:
Selfless. Caring. Generous. Supportive. Resilient. Strong. Nurturing. Compassionate. Fun. Inspirational. Talented. Dedicated.
If for some reason, you are secretly Superwoman and possess all of these qualities, do me a favor and just keep it to yourself. Don’t make the rest of us mortals feel bad. Let’s be real. None of us have it all. Some days, it feels like a struggle to possess any of these qualities at all. The perfect woman doesn’t exist. None of us contain all of these beautiful traits, and it’s for a reason. God has strategically and wonderfully placed just enough of Himself within each woman to point others to back to Him.
Women are special to God. I believe it so deep down. He chooses no favorites. He is not more proud of a mother with seven kids than a single forty-something. Let’s not forget: the women that the Almighty God chose to be a part of the bloodline of Jesus were complete wrecks. They were young, dirty, manipulative, unwise, and unexperienced. But each of them had one thing in common. Their legacy led to the birth of the Messiah: the Savior of the world.
It matters to me so much where you find yourself today. My heart is longing to know if you feel alone or discouraged. Women of all kinds, no matter where you are, please hear me: you have a purpose. Whether you are raising children or not, your life can leave a legacy. I’d love to tell you that God has made you all of those beautiful words above. Selfless, strong, resilient, supportive. The real truth is that in the end, you aren’t supposed to be everything to everyone else. Your most valuable role is to point others to Him; the only One who has all of the qualities you long for within yourself. When you fail, He steps in. When You fall, He shows the world how graciously He picks you back up. When you’re weak, He is strongest.
So if you aren’t sure what to make of today, here is your permission for wherever you find yourself:
If you have a great mom, mother-in-law, stepmom, or grandma – celebrate her. Love her. Thank God for her. I know I am beyond blessed to have incredible women in my life.
If you are a mom of young kids, chances are your day might look chaotic and not necessarily how you’d plan for it to go. In between the messiness, arguments or diapers, be present today. Revel in the trust that God has in you to raise His kids. What a deep honor.
If you are a mom with grown children, resist the urge to think that your best days are behind you. Push aside any thoughts that may lead you to shame or guilt about how you may have parented them. They have always belonged to God before they belonged to you. Accept your inheritance and your identity as His daughter today and be proud.
If you are longing to be a mom: let the loss settle today. You are not doing anything wrong. Question. Cry. Then remember: God has still appointed you to do His work as a woman. You have purpose. You have a future. He is not done with you. You are not alone.
If you are a single woman with no children, let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. If you’re disappointed, be disappointed. If you are content, let contentment wrap you up. Feel it all, and then take a step deeper. Be the mentor, the mother figure in someone else’s life. Speak out to someone else that you love them and believe in them. Watch it grow you. You are so valuable.
If you’ve lost your mom, this is your permission to grieve again. The woman who raised you is no longer present to support you. You have experienced something deep, and you are not alone. He is your Healer and your Comfort when nothing else can ease that ache.
And if today hurts because you have never experienced a true mother’s love: grieve. Don’t run from the loss that today holds for you. Allow yourself to feel what was, and then grab onto hope. This kind of loss was never God’s intention for your life. Feel the ache, and then reach deeper. Who filled in those roles for you? Maybe it was your dad, a teacher, an aunt, or a mentor. Reach out and thank them. Celebrate them today. Let God fill every single empty space.
Today and every day, you are valuable. You are cherished. You are loved. You have purpose. I am grateful for you.
Your life is a part of the incredible story God has weaved together before the foundation of the world. Let Him script it out for you in His own way.
“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.”
[Ephesians 1:11-12 msg]