To be honest, I’ve found it difficult to write. This is such a bummer for me because writing is my outlet. But through the state of the world and the state of my own home, there has not been much space. Literal or figurative.
Anyone else feeling a little smothered? Trapped? This is turned into more than a few months of an event; this is now life. If you’re like me, allll of the people are home. All the time. There is just no space. No brain space to think, no physical space to be alone. I seriously do love my family. I have prayed hard about allowing God’s perspective of gratitude and wonder to wash over my own. And He has been gracious. But in approximately eight days, my space will condense even more as I take on yet another role as my kid’s teacher at home. Maybe. The details change about every few hours.
The only thing constant about the past six months has been change. Let’s be honest. We’re all skeptical of the truth, aren’t we? What is truly happening around us? Who can we trust? Which information is real? Our physiology is longing for homeostasis: an equilibrium, a balance. The majority of this current year has been the opposite of balanced. It’s been a rocky ship, with rough waves and new winds that seem to come out of nowhere. We have had to be more flexible than ever, and if we’re all honest, we’re just tired. Are you tired? A little weary? What I’ve found within myself is that rather than become attached to all of the emotions assigned to each change, it’s been easier to disengage. It requires less energy to let apathy move into where passion used to live. This is a dangerous place, especially for those of us who live with Jesus as our Savior. We try to compartmentalize our emotions and our passion to only what affects us from the world around us. But we are multi-faceted beings. Each part of us affects the other parts. The danger of disengagement is the slow-motion backing away from our passion for Christ.
We are longing for clarity. We are desperate for answers and for something tangible to cling to. But the reality is this: Jesus never promised us clarity. Here is what He has told us, though. He has promised that when we trust Him:
He will lead us.
He will make our path straight.
He will protect us.
He will fulfill His plans for us.
He will fill us with His Spirit.
Subtly and somehow all at once, the evil of this world has caused us to fix our eyes on the current changing events of each day. There’s a reason we are told in Hebrews to “Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” It takes a lot of intentionality and work to pull our eyes away from the unfolding events that are fighting for our attention. But we will never find what we are looking for in the world’s daily updates.
We are seeking clarity. We are looking for answers. But the truth is, Jesus is not looking to make your future more clear to you. He wants to become clear to you. The sad reality is that more often than not, we are coming to Jesus for whatever He has to offer us. Jesus is telling us, “I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, He will be saved.” [John 10:9] But let’s be honest. How often do we open up the door, and instead of making eye contact with the giver of life, we first shift our eyes downward to see what He holds in His hands to give us? Or we peer around Him altogether, to search for what other answers He may be hiding from us?
He’s begging us to see: the answers are not hidden somewhere behind Him. He is the answer. God is not interested in you having a clear picture as much as He is interested in how clear He is to you.
Where have your eyes been fixed over the past six months?
Are they focused on your future plans? Are they fixated on the numbers scrolling across the bottom of your TV screen? Are they stuck, locked in fear of the possibility of sickness? Are they fixed on every problem in front of you?
Listen. I am with you. My problems feel very big. The amount of change is so overwhelming. The pull of disengagement is so strong. Jesus has never asked us to disregard our reality. But He is asking to be magnified in our eyes. When He becomes bigger, our reality feels manageable. Because with Him, all things are possible.
Fix your eyes on Him. The Author of your story, the perfecter and the giver of your faith and your passion. Jehovah Rapha, your Healer. He is your protector and your safe place.
Rather than repeatedly asking you to make my future more clear, would You become more clear to me? I ask that you help me to let go of the things that I have held onto so tightly; my own vision that may not have enough space for you. Lord, when my eyes are fixed on you, the details of my today and my tomorrow fade away. You have created paths before me for me to walk in. You have prepared and created good works for me in advance, so I trust that you will lead me to them as I simply make myself available to you.
You are my good Father – and you hold every intricate detail so I don’t have to. Let the details I seek be about You. Teach me more of who You are. Everything I need in my life is wrapped up in and held by You. You made me in Your image – a reflection of your creation. Teach me who You are, and as I discover more about you, teach me who you say I am.