A blog is a funny thing to me.
Because I could write for days and days. But do I want you all to know exactly what I’m thinking or feeling? Or who’s to say anyone’s reading this anyway?
We’re getting excited (I think!?) for this house thing. It goes in waves of excitement and stress. Today seems to be the day of stress and questions and lots and lots of pauses. I hate change. I hate that I hate change. Do I want my life to be exactly the same in 5 years? In 10. No – nobody does. But it still scares me. I want to throw away just about everything and start over… but I can’t! If it’s linked to my past somehow, I’ve got to keep it as a reminder. Trying to find a balance there.
As we start over again, I really find myself missing so many that I wish were here to share it with me. So many seriously wonderful friends that I am not good enough at keeping in touch with. So many that are so far past the point of words to express their importance. So many decision seem so permanent, and I don’t feel old enough, maybe mature enough, maybe myself enough to make the decisions without those who have been a part of all the other permanent life changes I’ve endured.
I’m trying to keep in mind that this is just another blip in the whole screen of our life. Just like my first move to Maryland, living with Ty’s parents for a while, my first job, our first apartment. Just another first. Soon, it will just be another memory. Maybe this is a lesson in cherishing those things that we wish we could have back. Someday, this will be one of those times. A memory that you can’t get back.
Scrambling to catch just the right moment to freeze time; all the while, you’re missing the moments right in front of you.
Don’t get me wrong, this really is a fantastic step in our life. And I can’t wait for it. But there are days where I get stuck inside myself and one thing rolls into another and suddenly my whole life: past, present, future – is wrapped up into one decision.
Through the stress and questions, I remain thankful. Thankful for the clarity we were granted to make this decision. Thankful for people placed specifically in my life for this time. Thankful that I’m loved so far beyond anything I could begin to deserve. These are the words that really matter.
1 Corinthians 10:13 “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it.”