Today, I heard the most not necessarily “positive” thing. From my ultrasound, looks like my placenta was lying low. Not even a big deal, just something to monitor. And I was somewhat surprised at the degree to which I flipped out.
I started researching and remembered why I’ve tried not to read too much about all that can go wrong in pregnancy. You can seriously drive yourself crazy with all the possible complications. I think maybe it just reminded me that yes, I am PREGNANT. That this is a pretty big deal. I am growing a person inside of me that right now, is the size of an ear of corn. That this is it.
That I’m going to have a baby that’s going to grow up too fast, and I won’t know where the days and years have gone. That I will struggle every day for the rest of my life to turn his life over to God and be reminded that I am not in control. That Tyler is going to be a dad. Is already a dad to the little person he doesn’t know. That it really is okay for me to eat ice cream and not do the dishes. That it is okay to ask for help. That it is okay to not have it all together.
That things can go wrong. That life is never the way you expect it to be, That God may have other plans than the ones you have in your head. Why don’t I sit and pray for this little boy every single morning before my day even begins?
I guess today just made me realize how concerned I am with looking like I have it all together. That I can be superwoman and balance it all, while keeping it cool about going through the biggest change I will ever see in my life. I hope I can start focusing on myself a little and the magnitude of what is going on. Seems like today was the day for it. Let’s see if I can remember tomorrow…