to the sensitive one

photo-1495045841167-6af3bc97aad1Dear Sensitive Soul,

I know you.

I am you.

I’ve been there, too. Chalk it up to hormones or anxiety or maybe simply feeling everything so big… our emotions make us so confused. What do we trust? What do we allow ourselves to feel without drowning in the sea of it all? There are parts of you that you’re so thankful for. And parts that you’ve been pressing down and away.

This is how He made you. Carefully designed, intentionally formed. He knew you’d shed more tears than some others around you. Neither of you are better or worse. It’s just your particular design.

And yet, we hold those tears in, don’t we? For what? To try and preserve some image of something we aren’t?

We feel immature when we cry at something beautiful. We feel weak when we cry at something hard. We feel stupid when we cry at something that doesn’t even necessarily affect us. But we feel it all.

It’s true, your emotions are not meant to be your guide. But they are meant for ¬†something. They are God’s creative design to show Himself to the world. That He cares, too.

We are pushing ourselves deeper into apathy by shutting down any part of us. To ignore the brokenness is to ignore the beauty. In order to experience the fullness of His presence, we can’t allow our heart to be only partially open. We were created to be whole beings. Our experiences have jaded us. The same heart that feels overcome by His presence is the one that feels brokenness and grief overwhelm, too.

For the most part, I’ve finally stopped despising the moments where I just feel it all. The moments where I’m overcome. It doesn’t feel good. It’s like at all at once, grief hits. And somehow so does God’s immense goodness. Joy, kindness, memories of rejection and pain… they all mesh together. I don’t understand how they coexist.

But I can’t help but believe that this is how He intended it. We are looking to compart-mentalize our brokenness from His presence. From His holiness.

But He wants to be wrapped up in every piece; every shred of you. The broken ones. The mature ones. The parts of you that don’t even feel like you anymore. All of the good and maybe even especially the bad.

And to those of us who have found ourselves trapped in the curse of apathy; you who are sensitive by design: you will feel again.

But there’s a catch: you’ve got to be willing to experience all of it.

Yes, the Bible talks a lot about our flesh not leading for us. About capturing our thoughts and making them obedient to God. But God’s word also tells us that there’s a time for everything, and that our emotions have a place.

A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:4

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

And. And. And.

Cry and laugh. Be sad and experience joy. It was never meant to be one or the other.

You were never meant to be wrapped up or defined by what your emotions tell you. But you were never meant to shut them down to appear strong, either.

So maybe…just try. Let your feelings and your emotions happen, and let God be involved. He is involved in our spirituality just as He is involved in our being human. By allowing ourselves to be broken and human, we allow Him to truly be God. Don’t believe the lies that He is only looking for the whole parts of you. It’s because of Him that you can be whole at all.

Allow yourself to be the one that He created before He formed the world. Remind yourself that He’s not looking for anything from you except… you.

 

Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.” [Psalm 51:17]

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