When you have young kids and it’s your full-time job to raise them, you are faced with a bajillion choices all day. What kind of fights are you going to stick with and what you’ll let go. What to feed them; what’s healthy and what’s not. Should I force the nap today or let her skip it and go to bed early? Sure, you can wear rain boots and your winter coat to swimming lessons.

But probably the most frequent and most complicated is when to rescue them and when to let them learn themselves. My kids are in the process of learning how to buckle and unbuckle their own seatbelts in their carseats. Most days, they can get it themselves. But then there are the meltdown days where nothing works and it’s all just too hard for them. So they wail and complain until all of the sudden – it clicks. Literally. And then they feel like rockstars because they got it done.

This is real life, people. Twenty four hours a day. It amazes me the amount of time it takes us to get in and out of the car.

There’s a very real, consistent choice with young kids to decide when to let them struggle and do it themselves and when to take over. Sometimes I take over because it’s been long enough and I can tell they need help. Sometimes I take over because I lose my patience and we are out of time, dangit.

But honestly – as an adult? I wondered why God wasn’t coming to rescue me for over a year. I knew what was true. I knew He was there and that He was faithful. But I felt like I was drowning in a sea of anxiety, anger and confusion.

It took the whole year and a half of a list of things too long to discuss here for me to see where God was. Absolutely right there in the middle of it, quietly cheering me on. Reminding me He had already rescued me. It was a once and for all deal, and in His kindness, He helped me work out why I was angry. If He had rescued me in a moment, I wouldn’t be changed today. My heart would be the same as it was then, and my body just in a new place.

Do you feel like you’ve been begging for a break? For a breakthrough? From God to rescue you from your circumstance? You’re so confused because you want to believe that God is capable of absolutely anything. But if He can… why isn’t He? I’ll never be able to answer that one for you. His ways are so much higher. He’s sovereign and just and there’s so much we will never understand. But as you wonder and doubt and reach for help, please be reminded today:

He’s a really, really good Dad. He’s not playing games. He’s not trying to make you prove something to Him. He knows exactly what to let you walk through and when to swoop in and pick you up.

He is more than present in your situation and in your life. He is in every moment in every day. He isn’t limited to Sunday mornings or the few times you open up your Bible. He doesn’t care if your words to Him sound put together.

So the big elephant in the room, though, is one question.

Are you letting Him in?

Because so much of the time, we talk about God. We talk about the things we’re going through and where God must be in it all. We wonder where He is and what He’s doing and we ask questions without really expecting an answer from the One who can give them.

Although God is ready and willing at any moment to pull us out and set us on a rock, He waits for us to ask. He wants to be invited into the conversation and into the mess, to prove Himself faithful as many times as we’ll let Him.

So if you’re wondering where God is, I’m going to challenge you to ask yourself if you’ve invited Him in. Do you trust Him to be your Protector and Savior? Or have you worked really hard to be your own savior?

And to those of us who have continually invited Him in, and we’re just still not sure what’s going on, take courage. He knows what you need right now. He knows the parts of Himself and of you that you are supposed to learn through this. You are not drowning and you are not abandoned.

He’s patient when we are impatient. He waits as we struggle to learn, knowing the crown of glory that waits for us on the other side.

“When I was at my weakest, my enemies attacked – but the Lord held on to me. His love broke open the way and He brought me into a beautiful place. He rescued me – because His delight is in me!” [Psalm 18:18-19 TPT]

 

Okay, summer is officially here, right?

Vitamin D is real stuff. Being outside and in the sun is so good for absolutely everything. Mind, soul, skin… Just all of it. It’s amazing to me what God does within the seasons.

We’re currently visiting my family in Massachusetts. For the majority of my life, the beach was within walking distance. If we couldn’t walk, it took less than ten minutes to get there. Now, living in Maryland, it’s a two and half hour drive. I love my life there but I think I’ll just never get used to this tragedy.

So we get to take the kiddos to the beach every day this week. They’re in their glory, for real. One morning, it was just me and them. Just like it is every other day of the year. I am a stay at home mom, so it’s just me and them most of the time. But at the beach, they are energetic and independent and creative. Everything is exciting and new and peaceful. And I realized as I sat and watched them, the stillness was finding me.

Remember last week I told you that rest was both external and internal, but stillness can only happen on the inside? I still stand by that. But as I sat on the beach, just the three of us, I knew the stillness was finding me.

As I said yes to more of the right things and no to the others, I invited peace in. The beach is ridiculous to me. It’s like everything becomes clear. God’s sovereignty feels so real. All of the things that stress me out every day somehow have shrunk in size.

So you may be reading this and hating me because you don’t get a vacation this year. Or you already went, and it was stressful, and you’re like, “Um, yeah, there was no peace there.”

But it’s not too late.

We choose to invite peace when we choose Jesus. The beach is magical. You can’t recreate that feeling anywhere else. But the calm, the clarity, the deep breaths? Those gifts are not circumstantial.

Life is life. And it comes at us so quick. Sometimes we face consequences in life for our actions, but so much of the time, we have no choice in what we face at all.

“So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising Him always.” [Philippians 4:8 TPT]

We can choose. You can choose.

Fasten your thoughts. Attach them. Secure them. Hold them tightly to the things of God, looking above the chaos your life is trying to drown you in.

I fail so often. I failed yesterday. But today is brand new. Mercy is brand new today.

So here’s where I choose to fasten my thoughts:

Coffee and mornings when everyone else is still sleeping. Watermelon and grilled corn on the cob. The little voices of my kids that I’m trying my best to engrain in my long-term memory. Concerts with friends that end with a dance party. Laying in a hammock with my husband looking at the stars, with no where else to be. Laughter and bare feet and breakfast dates.

The mercy of God that has chosen me, sees me, knows me. Trees and water and clouds and everything that makes me stop to look. The Word of God that breathes life into me. The Holy Spirit who prays for me, guides me. A forgiving, loving Dad who calls me worthy.

So when we’re too busy or anxious to be present, to burn the precious moments into our minds, there is enough grace for us. When we are distracted by technology when we should be in the here and now, there is grace for us. God is always presenting new opportunities for us to choose His peace.

I don’t care if you’re at work or on vacation or in your bed. Whether you’re a mom or a teenager, God’s peace is way more than available. Whether things are calm or a complete mess, It’s an invitation that you get to say yes to. The things of God are pursuing you, waiting for you to create room. God is not distracted or forgetful. He is available and ever-present, just for you.

If you feel like you’ve missed it, there will be more chances.

And one of them starts right now.

 

You know what no one warns you about when you have kids?

Eventually, they stop napping. I know this is like, common knowledge, but it still kind of comes as a shock to the system. Even though my kids don’t sleep in the afternoon, we still have “rest time.” They have to go upstairs in separate rooms and rest. They can watch a movie, read a book, whatever. Some days they lean into this and really rest. Other days… they’re bouncing, jumping, running into each other’s rooms. I enforce rest time because I need a break, but even more than that, I know they need to be forced to be still and to be alone.

The flowy words of “Be Still” are literally everywhere. Signs, pillows, jewelry. All over the Bible, God’s reminding us that stillness is supposed to be our posture.

But honestly, what the heck does that look like? I’ve been so challenged on the ideas of rest and stillness lately because they just go against my nature. For too many reasons to name, I keep myself really busy. My mind and my body just constantly remain on the go, until they both just give up and I remember that I need to stop more than once in a while.

I’ve wondered if we really embrace this idea of stillness or if we’ve created an idea of it in our minds. What stillness isn’t? It isn’t comfort. I completely believe that sacred and restful spaces are truly honoring to God. They give me a calm place to be, and a beautiful place to share with my family. To read, to rest, to laugh, to just be.

But in the calmest of places, our minds can still spin, can’t they? Rest is both external and internal. But true stillness can only be reached on the inside. With rest, I can escape. By watching TV or scrolling or doing something. Stillness is the opposite of doing. It halts and silences my doing and invites me to just be.

Stillness is what leads to fullness. Being fully seen and known; it’s the deep parts I allow Jesus into by being still. It’s breathing and not presenting the pieces that I’ve chosen for God to see. It’s allowing Jesus to choose where He wants to go. I like to lay out my words and my requests to God in categories. With expectations of where and how He’s allowed to change me. It’s all so unintentional, really. But true stillness isn’t about a lack of movement. It’s a release of control.

It isn’t just candles and coffee.

It isn’t passive.

Stillness is reckless.

It’s bold.

It’s fierce.

It’s complete trust.

Are you tired of pretending? Pretending to yourself, to everyone else, and to God? Are you tired of trying to convince yourself that if you’ve reached a comfortable place, then you can finally be still?

I’m just wondering if we can choose this kind of faith together. The kind that says to God,

“I’m tired of being unable to sleep at night. I’m tired of everyone thinking I have it together, when on the inside, I’m crumbling. I want stability. When I say I trust God to fight for me, I want to mean it. So God, I choose your way. I choose to believe that even though life is swirling around me at 100 miles per hour, I don’t have to follow. My heart and my mind can choose to be still and let you fight it for me. I won’t fall into the lies that the world tells me about where my contentment comes from. I choose to take a step each day toward complete trust in You. I’ll say I trust you even when I’m not sure. When my body is still and my mind still races, I will remind myself over and over that You have me. You hold me. You have made me. You sustain me. I have nothing to fear. My life isn’t even my own. I’ll confront the instincts I have to fight all of this stuff on my own. I’ll wait. Even when I don’t see you doing things the way I want. I’ll wait. I’ll trust. I’ll stop talking and listen.”

Silence and stillness is a fight. It makes us uncomfortable because the world has convinced us that we have to be busy and productive to matter.

If you’ve found yourself unable to be still and calm, take a minute and ask yourself why. Have you convinced yourself that comfort is equivalent to being still and waiting on God? Where are you having a hard time just stopping? It’s not too late. You can choose it today, now. Whether or not your day is full, God is inviting you to wait on Him.

 

“Quiet your heart in His presence and pray; keep hope alive as you long for God to come through for you… The steps of the God-pursuing ones follow firmly in the footsteps of the Lord, and God delights in every step they take to follow Him.” [Psalm 37:7, 23-24]

Summer is here!

This is our first real summer now that both of the kids had some sort of school, and we’re all pumped about it. I have big dreams. I’m creating a bucket list. We’re gonna make memories. They will remember this summer the rest of their life…

And oh my gosh, then the first week happened.

I am not even being dramatic. It was so rough. I don’t know if it was just the transition of schedules, if they aren’t used to being together so much, but it was a serious punch to the gut. And I’m like… Uhh, are we gonna make it til September!?

To be really honest, I wonder very constantly if I’m cut out to be a stay at home mom. I have said to myself and to others, “I don’t know if it’s really my thing.” “I don’t know if I’m that kind of mom.” My brain works so differently. I don’t enjoy crafts, I really hate play doh… And super selfishly, lots of the time, my days are just planned around me.

In my most desperate moments, these are the texts that I’ve sent my husband:

“I can’t do it anymore. I want to quit.”

And I meant it. Quitting my job means quitting being a mom, and I knew exactly what I meant.

And then one of the days when I was having this thought, God must have just been tired of hearing it. I didn’t hear Him use these exact words, but it was a confrontation that I know was His voice.

He reminded me that He chose these particular children for me to raise. It’s not about whether or not I’m great at “my job.” It’s not about keeping up with the moms who view their positions differently than me. It has nothing to do with crafts or creativity or being adventurous. It has everything to do with calling.

“Jesus has the power of God. And his power has given us everything we need to live a life devoted to God. We have these things because we know him. Jesus chose us by his glory and goodness, through which he also gave us the very great and rich gifts that he promised us. With these gifts you can share in being like God. And so you will escape the ruin that comes to people in the world because of the evil things they want.

Because you have these blessings, do all you can to add to your life these things: to your faith add goodness; to your goodness add knowledge; to your knowledge add self-control; to your self-control add patience; to your patience add devotion to God; to your devotion add kindness toward your brothers and sisters in Christ, and to this kindness add love. If all these things are in you and growing, you will never fail to be useful to God. You will produce the kind of fruit that should come from your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” [2 Peter 1:3 ERV]

Have you questioned if you’re cut out for it? Whatever “it” is to you. Have you wanted to escape your life for a new one? Have you prayed, “God, make me brand new“, and seriously meant it? You want to just watch as God demolishes your current life and allow Him to start from scratch. New personality, less struggle – so much less of who you are now.

God promises that He is always doing a new thing. His mercy is brand new every morning. He leads us to ask Him for a new heart. But I don’t think He sees new like we see it. When God designed you, He took the time to mold you and shape you and knit you together. He doesn’t plan on tossing any of His designs away. Is there crap that we pick up along our life that doesn’t belong there? Yeah, and those are the pieces that He carefully removes when we ask. But instead of starting from scratch, God is going to continue to build on what you already have. He’s already given you everything you need to live a life that pleases Him. You’re simply allowing Him to add more to your life. Faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, patience, devotion, kindness, and love.

Have you wanted to quit? I really do know the feeling. But God’s asking you to hold on and to allow Him to reshape you. He takes His every good intention and molds it, and when you allow Him in, you can never fail to be useful to Him.

I don’t know what this season looks like. I don’t know if you’re hating your job, hating your role, confused about your calling, or what. But listen: you have what it takes. You have all of the creativity, patience, wisdom and self-control in the world because you are connected to the One who supplies it all. He’s not reshaping you or making you new because He doesn’t like who you are now. He’s simply molding you closer and closer to His image. Through the struggles and every missed step, He’s increasing our Christlikeness. With every new touch of His hand, we begin to see ourselves more from His perspective. Through His eyes.

So let’s stop asking to be someone that we’re not. Even if it’s just an internal word that never gets spoken out loud. Let’s embrace our true identity as someone who God already loves now. We are capable now. We are enough now. And yet, thankfully, there is so much more.

 

 

“Create a new, clean heart within me.
Fill me with pure thoughts and holy desires, ready to please you.”

[Psalm 51:10]

 

 

 

If you’ve been there, you know the feeling.

You can’t slow your thoughts down. You’re trying your best to control your emotions, but the more you work at it, the worse it gets. You’re trying to breathe, but that’s not going the way it should at all. You’re telling yourself nothing is wrong, but it feels like everything is wrong. Thoughts and reflexes are just spinning inside you and you keep wondering: “What’s wrong with me?”

This is what I wondered, anyway, for two years. It was going on much longer, but I didn’t have the courage or the capacity to name it until a counselor helped me find my way there. The Bible has so much to say about anxiety. And it’s true. It’s real. I believe that the fear that comes with it is just so not from God. He tells us to trust Him and not to be anxious. I’m just afraid that we may have twisted His original intentions for this.

The truth is that because Jesus is enough, we don’t need to be anxious or fear anything. But unfortunately, what we’ve done with these truths is we’ve translated them to mean that when worry or fear or anxiety face us and come our way like a train, we must have done something wrong. We must not have enough faith. We must not have prayed right.

We’ve also believed the lie that accepting help of any kind must mean that we don’t trust in God all of the way.

Anxiety is big, don’t get me wrong. It’s so real. But what I’ve learned is that anxiety doesn’t truly keep me trapped. It may make me feel that way, but there are healthy ways to be reminded that nothing is enclosing me. So maybe it takes a few minutes, maybe hours. Maybe it comes back each day. But we can make some choices to weave in and out. We can drink water, stay away from caffeine, take a walk. Anxiety feels crippling, but I believe it’s hiding an even bigger monster.

Shame.

Shame is what keeps us from asking for help.

Shame is what tells us we must not be trusting in God enough.

Shame is what whispers, “You’ll never be free.”

Shame accuses of of being a hypocrite, and keeps us from making a difference in anyone else’s life.

Shame uses words like: unloveable, unworthy.

Shame convinces us that no one really cares, and we are alone.

Shame keeps our mouth shut.

Shame is what allows anxiety to keep its hold.

But shame is a liar.

Shame grows in secret. It’s less tangible. Less measurable. But it is constant and it weighs heavy. The world we live in breeds worry and anxiety, but we are learning how to manage, both practically and spiritually. But I’m convinced that unless we allow the truth to break us out of the shame of anxiety, we’ll never be free. Here’s the truth:

“So now the case is closed. There remains no accusing voice of condemnation against those who are joined in life-union with Jesus, the Anointed One.” [Romans 8:1]

“The confidence of my calling enables me to overcome every difficulty without shame, for I have an intimate revelation of this God.” [1 Timothy 1:12]

Unfortunately, so many of us who live for Jesus are drowning because we’re afraid to say out loud what’s happening in our lives. So we let it stay in the dark, where we think it stays safe. But that’s where it drowns us. We defeat shame by bringing it all out into the light.

“But if we freely admit our sins when his light uncovers them, he will be faithful to forgive us every time.” [1 John 1:9]

Read these words slowly and carefully.

The fact that anxiety faces you is not a sin, but your reaction to it could be. We live in the world. Surprise. The world is anxious and busy and fearful. It will come up against us, and that is not our fault. But when it bumps us, we get to choose what we do with it.

We’re gonna mess it up. We’re gonna run to things that we think make us feel better. We’re probably gonna yell at our kids and take it out on our husband. Anger may get the better of us.

And shame would like us to believe that we are now less than. Its voice is so condescending. It’s quiet, but it’s strong.

We have to break the silence. As a church, and just as people. When we say our stuff out loud, shame shrinks. I’m not talking about throwing up a passive aggressive meme on Instagram. I’m talking about a real conversation with a trusted friend. Or taking the leap and finding a counselor. You may be praying all the right things, and our God hears you, and He is your healer. But. You weren’t meant to face this alone.

I know it looks different for all of us. I know it’s not comfy. But I’m telling you, if you are stuck in this anxious cycle and you want out, this is the start. Truly, anxiety isn’t the one holding you captive. It’s the invisible bars of shame that keep us trapped. And because of the blood of Jesus, we have the power to break through.

Have you believed shame’s lie that anxiety is the one that’s captured you? Today’s the day. Stare it back in the face, and push back the invisible prison bars. You were meant to be free.

 

“Since we are now joined to Christ, we have been given the treasures of redemption by His blood – the total cancellation of our sins – all because of the cascading riches of His grace.” [Ephesians 1:7]

 

My five-year-old graduated from preschool today.

I know. We live in an “everyone gets a trophy” world, but guess what? I don’t care. It’s completely adorable and I am all about celebrating all the milestones. I mean… look at him.

So cute, right?

This was our first year with both kids in pre-k, so it feels like our first official summer, so I want to make it fun and memorable. Started a Pinterest board and everything. It’s legit. So if you have any fun (and cheap) summer activities, hit me!

I found myself trying to remember what we’ve done in the past few summers. I know kids grow so quickly, so the activities change, but I realized – I couldn’t remember. To be honest, the past two years are kind of one big blur. I can only label it as one thing: survival mode.

You hit survival mode when you have babies. You focus on sleeping and feeding the people in your house. And clothing everyone if you’re lucky. You run into survival mode when someone dies. You are rocked by the roller coaster of grief that shift but never really ends. The last five years of my life have been two babies and several very close deaths. And I didn’t notice that I was just focused on surviving until I wasn’t anymore.

I was tempted to feel sorry for myself. To believe that survival isn’t really living, and my kids have probably missed out on a great childhood because I was just figuring out how to get by. God promised an abundant life, right? So I must have missed it. And even worse, so have they. But more and more I really believe that it’s okay to just survive. Maybe we’ve got the picture wrong. God’s description of this abundant life is: “fullness until you overflow” [John 10:10 TPT]. No one ever said it would look beautiful or absent of stress or pain.

Our trials shift. The things we learn grow with time. Abundant life isn’t seasonal. A full life isn’t contingent on our circumstances lightening up. On resolving postpartum depression. Or passing through the stages of grief (which are continual, by the way).

To be honest, I think I missed it for a while. For several years straight, I looked to be filled with affirmation from adults who made me feel good. I missed out on what my babies had to offer me. I missed out on the fullness that comes with the survival season because I was just waiting for it to pass.

Hindsight is 20/20 or whatever, right? All I know is I don’t want to wait for my life to be full when Jesus has promised He’d be with me NOW. We’re missing it because we’re focused on choosing joy or being present while we’re drowning in diapers and laundry. We don’t need adjectives. We just need Jesus. We need to trust that Jesus isn’t the one holding back our full and beautiful life. Most likely, we are.

There is nothing wrong with survival mode. God knows you’re there, and He sees your reality. He knows what’s possible and what isn’t. But in your survival, He has more.

I can’t explain to you how it works. Because I am just beginning to understand what He meant. But He’ll show us, if we let Him. These survival seasons are super precious if we allow them to be. They keep us tethered to Him. Because what else do we have?

We’re all longing to hit that place. It looks different for all of us, but it’s past all the stuff, the survival season, the pain… the place where we feel like we’ve made it. That hopeful place feels like fulfillment, maturity, totally complete, right?

James 1 tells us how we get there.

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature, well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

These survival seasons are those gifts.

I don’t want to miss out on the fullness of God waiting to just get out of wherever I am. I want all of Him here and now. Because He’s promised me that. And He’s promised you. He is not limited by our seasons and His strength is at its best when we are at our weakest.

I think we tell ourselves that survival mode isn’t really living, but guess what? You’re surviving. You’re making it. Each day may be a fight, but let God in instead of just trying to get out, and watch as His fullness meets you right where you are.

 

“In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.”

[John 16:33 AMP]

Eesh.

Okay, honestly, this is one of those posts I’d just rather not share with the internet world. So if you don’t relate, please don’t judge me. Just collect $200 and pass go.

You ever have a fight with your husband or your kid or your mom and either during the argument or sometime after you realize, “Man, this is just dumb“?

I find myself there a lot lately. It’s like, I know this isn’t the end of the world, but it feeeeels like it is. The last one was about pillow cushions. Yes. I’m not gonna get into the details because it’s irrelevant and way too long, but honestly, it turned into a pretty big discussion. Because my husband took the pillow covers off of the cushions. And I wanted them back two minutes ago. And I turned it into a much bigger deal than it should have been.

I tried to explain to him and rationalize to both of us that it wasn’t really about the pillow cushions. It wasn’t really about the clutter on the kitchen counters. It was about everything and anything because my brain tells me I’m incapable of separating thoughts. So if I’m overwhelmed by one thing, I’m overwhelmed by all things.

My head is full of nonstop thoughts and words and questions all waking hours of the day – and the only place I have to put them is OUT OF MY HEAD. I rationalize this, too. I’m “venting.” I’m “processing.” And to be fair to myself, and to you who might just relate, lots of the time, I really am.

But then my processing and my healthy coping skill of simply voicing my thoughts take a pretty sharp turn into complaining. And I can feel it. I can sense what it’s doing to me, and to the people around me but I often feel so powerless. Because I just need someone to understand. But no matter how many words I use or how often I use them, I find no one truly understands. Because they’re not me. So I spin myself into an unfulfilling cycle of unmet and unrealistic needs.

I wonder if I’m not alone.

I wonder if there are some more of us out there who are tired of feeling ungrateful.

Who have felt held captive by our own thoughts that convince us that we’re alone and no one understands just how overwhelmed we are.

So what do we do? No amount of self-talk or choosing joy can fix our inner needs.

Complaining kills our contentment.

Our deep need for approval, for peace, to be understood and heard: it comes from contentment.

Being content in every circumstance because we know our God is enough.

Choosing to be content in knowing our God is present in every moment – the super fulfilling and the insanely draining.

Content knowing that wishing for more will never fill the holes we feel.

We choose to be content knowing that because God is enough, we have enough.

We have enough peace.

We have enough validation.

We have enough energy to do more than just get through the day.

We are heard. We are seen. We are fully known.

 

I know it feels like the world is crashing down in the moment. Even if you can rationalize that your brain is lying to you, your heart is begging your thoughts to just slow down and listen to the truth:

You are okay. You are not drowning. You will make it. Whatever you’re facing, God has already seen and conquered on your behalf. 

This stuff you’re facing? It’s super real. It’s hard and it’s pulling you in a million directions. But you aren’t drowning. Honestly. You’ve got to change the narrative in your mind. And when you can’t find the strength to switch your thoughts, you make the choice to change your words. Your mind and your heart hears when you declare what’s true instead of what your emotions tell you.

So when your job is driving you crazy, and your co workers are draining and negative:  God is sufficient, and I am content.

When you can’t seem to make sense of your finances, and your brain doesn’t even know where to start:                                                                                                                                 God is sufficient, and I am content.

When you’re at the end of your patience with your kids and you’re convinced you were never made to be a mom:                                                                                                             God is sufficient, and I am content.

When the diagnosis is so big and dark and the road ahead is long and open-ended:      God is sufficient, and I am content.

 

Repeat it over and over, even if it feels like it’s stretching the truth. Repeat it until it becomes the new narrative. Repeat it until the negative cycle of words are replaced with the Truth.

“But godliness actually is a source of great gain when accompanied by contentment [that contentment which comes from a sense of inner confidence based on the sufficiency of God].” 1 Timothy 6:6 AMP

I tried playing Connect 4 with my son yesterday.

Ho-ly. Moly.

So, he gets the concept that there needs to be four of them in a row (sort of), but he’s convinced that they can just be in a square, or really any general four chips together is fine. He’s made up a ton of his own rules and since Dad bought him the game, he makes the rules, you know. Uhm, no, man. Then he just played a totally defensive game and all he did was block my moves. That was super fun, too. I played as many games as we both had the patience for, and then it was lunchtime.

And can I tell you the truth? The whole time we were playing, my eyes drifted behind him to the clean dishwasher, the full sink, and the cluttered countertops. I really wish I weren’t this way. It is so, so difficult for me to be in the moment when I know what’s waiting for me.

I used to think that I was just obsessed with having a clean, put together house. Which really didn’t make sense because I’m not a neat freak. But what I’ve learned through time and therapy is that I react to my environment. Or maybe in other words, my anxiety reacts to my environment. When I’m surrounded by clutter, my insides feel cluttered. And I know I’m not alone. The whole world is watching Tidying Up and Marie Kondo-ing the crap out of all of their clothes and books. So I’ve learned what is helpful for me.

But what I’m still working on is – what do I do when what’s helpful isn’t realistic?

It sounds so simple, and the world has such bigger problems than my mountains of laundry and dishes full of food from three days ago. But I’m living in and managing my home in which I have to look at the laundry mountains and my kids don’t have clean socks to wear.

It may not be laundry or dishes for you. It may be paperwork. It may be your budget or your diet. You may be waiting for a new job and struggling with how to be present where you are. You run into these days. Where you just don’t know how to be present or grateful or anything that you want to be.

On the days where there aren’t enough hours but somehow, there are also too many hours…

On the days where the to-do lists grow longer and the “done” parts of them don’t seem to gain any traction…

On the days where you tell yourself over and over that you are grateful, because you are. But you hear yourself complaining in your head and you aren’t sure how to stop…

On the days when you are sure God overestimated your capabilities…

You need to remember: you are not alone.

Hang on. Stop. Go back and read it again.

Don’t skim past the words because you’ve read them a million times before. They’re so, so, so real. You know those moments where you read a blog post or a quote that someone posted on Instagram and your heart just feels so heard? Like someone else put words to what you didn’t even know you felt? It’s because they’re feeling it, too. You are unique, but let me promise you, your situation is not uncommon. So that gut-wrenching, “I’m crazy and alone” feeling you have? It’s just not true.

But you can’t stop at just knowing you aren’t alone. You’ve got to say it. You’ve got to speak to your soul and remind yourself what is true. This isn’t just new-age self-talk. This is war. 

Remind your soul that you are grateful even though you feel like complaining.

Speak out loud to your mind that although it feels like everything is falling apart, it’s probably not.

Thinking it just isn’t enough. Especially if you’re like me. Because the thoughts swirl and transform into other thoughts before I’m even aware it’s happened. Say it. Speak what’s true. Remind your own soul and remind your enemy of the truth.

You are not forgotten. You are not alone. You are not incapable. You may be overwhelmed, but you are not drowning. You are not too far to be rescued. God created the correct amount of hours in a day, and you will make it. He has given you everything you need to live the life He’s planned for you. He is not holding out on you. He’s not playing games.

Listen, you can do it. You can survive. But not by yourself.

Take deep breaths. Breathe them out. And then use your words. You’re not just saying words to soothe your stressed self. You are declaring what’s true when your mind plays games. What you’re going through is real. There are so many things in life that are just big and feel like a bit too much. And then there are those circumstances that we know aren’t as big, but they feel just as big.

Why do we say, “take courage”? Because it’s a choice to make. It’s the gift that your Protector and Sustainer is offering you. It’s not simply a character trait that we can pull out of ourselves. Courage comes from pulling strength from the source; an Almighty God.

So take it. Grab it. Breathe. Cry if you need to. And then speak.

 

 

 

Okay, so I don’t know about you, but when I have a super busy day planned, I like to get up early. I want to take my time, make sure I have all my stuff ready, and enjoy some slow moments before the day just totally takes off.

…And then my beautiful plan gets ruined when I forget to set an alarm and wake up fifteen minutes before my day is supposed to start.

Yeah, that was yesterday. Therefore, your blog is a day late. Sorry about that, friends. I ran around the entire face of creation in my little world from 8:30 am to about 11:30 at night. Anyway, it’s over, right? It’s a new day. New mercies. All of my favorite stuff.

As things just get busier and busier, though, I find myself starting to panic a little bit about the time. My son heads to kindergarten next year. I know, I know. Lots of you are sending kids off to college or giving them your car keys. But this is the first step that really starts it all. This is the next twelve years of their lives, most likely even more than that. And as it nears, I find myself searching for the beautiful moments.

I found that they are there. The quiet, maybe not so Instagrammable moments. They’re waiting for us if we would slow down enough to see them.

Earlier this week, the moment jumped out at me. We recently got a new dining room (farmhouse!!) table. It’s beautiful. We’ve waited a long time to get one, and we just love it. And I sat with my kids as they ate their breakfast. Normally, I’m running around cleaning or preparing for the day as they eat. But we all just sat. And it was slow. And Hillsong United sang behind me “This is holy ground. You are holy, You are with me now.” Literally nothing was happening. In her little nightgown with crossed legs, she ate her cereal. I sat.

And I heard God remind me that I don’t get to decide which moments of my life are holy and which ones aren’t. The truth is, if the Spirit of a Holy God lives inside of us, then every moment is holy. Every moment is set apart, consecrated. Nothing is meaningless. Even the most mundane task that you do every day. The messy, the repetitive, the boring.

The trick is simply not missing them. And we miss them by being distracted. Think about it. I’d be willing to guess that your mind runs the most in two places: the shower, and when you’re trying to go to sleep. Good or bad, I know it’s when my mind finally has a few moments to think on its own without being interrupted. And I’m positive it’s because of one thing: my phone doesn’t follow me there.

It’s difficult to notice a holy moment if you are trapped in photos of someone else’s vacation. It’s pretty challenging to notice a set apart moment if you mindlessly scroll through videos and articles that probably don’t even relate to you.

How many times have you wondered to yourself or said out loud, “I just don’t hear/see/feel God…“? The truth is, we get to decide if we allow Him that space or not. The holy, righteous, perfect God of all creation has set you apart to be holy and blameless in His sight. And we get to decide if those truths will permeate our lives or not. By simply how we choose to see them and allow Him in.

And they aren’t always beautiful. The holy moments aren’t just quiet mornings or a powerful worship moment. It’s the struggle of wondering how to help your teenager. It’s driving in traffic to a job that you are remaining faithful to. It’s in the broken surrender to God, when you have nowhere else to turn. The holy moments are in perseverance, in struggle, in the slow and in the busy. Our lives are packed. And I believe God sees the reality of our daily schedules. But are we missing the moments He’s prepared for us? The soverign reminders that He is God, and that He sees you.

We can’t create holy moments, but we can create space for them. We can choose to believe that we are holy because we have been redeemed by a holy God.

You.

You are holy, righteous, and set apart by a loving and gracious God.

When you are changing diapers.

When you are sitting at a desk, surrounded by files and responsibilities.

When you are doing dishes and folding laundry.

When you are struggling to see your business succeed.

When you are helping with homework.

When you choose to love your husband through a bad day.

When you say no to the right things.

When you apologize and ask for forgiveness.

When you see the best in someone.

And in every single moment in between. Don’t limit the fullness of your life by compartmentalizing God’s presence. He is in your struggle and your successes. He is in the quiet and the fast-paced. He is in the waiting. For your own sake, don’t miss it.

 

“As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

[1 Peter 1:15]

Mother’s Day has come and gone. I wish there were a better way to insert laughing into text. Because I kind of just want to put a big LOL right here. Don’t get me wrong, I have a sweet family who made it a special day. But let’s be real, the motherhood gig is 24/7, 365, right? It makes no difference how old your children are. Even with the best husband and support system in the world, it is the most constant, exhausting, exhilarating, fulfilling yet draining job of all time.

We spent the evening trying to get my daughter to poop on the potty. Real life. You’re welcome. She screamed and cried as she has for A YEAR because she HATES IT. She’s scared. She’s potty trained aside from being scared of the number two deal. So if you have tricks, hit me up. I’m open for anything.

And so for a year now, I have spent countless hours in the bathroom. I have begun to make myself a cup of coffee and sit with her as she fights this natural part of life.

Literally. I brought my work and a cup of coffee to the bathroom to settle in for the long haul. And there are times I just want to scream at the world – “DO YOU SEE ME?!” It sounds so small, but it’s exhausting and isolating.

And if we take a step back – so many areas of our lives fit that description. We feel alone and like no one gets it. We try to explain it to our people, but we know they’ll never truly understand. We spend our lives seeking validation and acknowledgement from broken people looking for the same. But honestly, no one truly sees me –  in the very best or the very worst.

But there is One who sees. The One who formed you, who made you a masterpiece simply because He wanted to. The One who “Keeps track of all my sorrows. He has collected all my tears in His bottle. He has recorded each one in His book.” [Psalm 56:8] Let’s be honest. The deepest tears are spilled in the quiet places where we’ve finally felt safe enough to let them out. In the moments when no one is around. And yet, He has seen them all. 

It’s in our most unseen places that we are fully known.

God knows we’ll be looking for validation and confirmation from other people. We get the privilege of hearing their words, locking eyes. But it’s different with Him. He seeks after us, but He doesn’t force us. And normally, we find ourselves most seen by Him when we have run from the other places that haven’t satisfied us. We run from the people who have disappointed us. They’ve hurt us. Or they just haven’t understood. They’ve maybe even tried to, but you know deep down, they don’t truly see you.

But God knew. He created us with a deep need to be seen and known. Without it, He knew we’d settle for the empty validation of others instead of being truly known by our Creator. So He allows this need in us to be unfulfilled by those around us. Because He wants to be the only One to meet that deep longing in us.

Most of the time, it feels like being a mom is full of the negative sides of the unseen. No one sees the work you do to keep a house running. No one sees the patience you tap into, moment by moment, to do your best to see your children. No one sees the moments when you find a room to hide in because you’re convinced the noise and the constant questions just might actually kill you. No one sees you cry when you drop them off at day care, feeling like you are failing them. No one sees the little details you keep track of so that everyone is taken care of and feel special. No one sees the potty training struggles, the late night conversations, the endless dishes and spills that are somehow constant.

But there is One who sees.

God sees my confusion and doubt when life crashes and doesn’t make sense.

He sees me when I fall apart on my bedroom floor, wrestling with anger and weariness.

He watches me release bitterness in the deep and quiet places no one else would understand.

He sees the moments when I raise my voice to my little people and regret it.

He sees my guilt and shame as I make decisions that I know don’t glorify Him and definitely don’t edify me.

He sees the moments where anxiety takes over, and I am not sure if I’ll win this battle.

And then He watches with pride as I ask my three year old for forgiveness. He sees the small moments where I instill His character and heart into them.

He stands by and waits as I finally lean into surrender, quietly, slowly, steadily.

We can have an unshakeable security knowing that our every move has been acknowledged by the King of Heaven. Each missed step is met with loving eyes and grace. Every beautiful moment is captured by Him. Our best and worst moments are literally recorded by the Creator of the world.

God was given the name of “The God who sees” in the very first book of the Bible. [Genesis 16] And the woman who was given the space and privilege to name Him was a runaway, abused pregnant woman. Hagar was alone, isolated, and completely unseen. Devalued. Used. Hurt and scared. And yet the angel of the Lord tracked her down to speak into her life, and in her most vulnerable and isolated moment, she knew she was finally seen.

The beauty is in the unseen. The promises lie in the unseen places. Don’t for a second believe the lies that you are alone. That your most broken moments are yours alone to deal with. The God of heaven is actively present in your life. He’s in the moments worth celebrating and those you wish you could write out of your story.

And Hagar? The nobody who got to give God a beautiful, personal name that we get to take hold of as our own? God told her to name her son Ishmael: “God hears.”

Don’t miss it. He is not passively watching. As if the world is some movie He props back and flips on for entertainment. He sees with intentionality, with an eagerness to hear you respond. He is actively waiting for a response from you. He is longing to listen to you. To allow you the space to be fully and deeply seen and known.

He’s waiting for you to allow Him to open your eyes. To notice His presence in each moment, so that you might know truly who He is. And He’s waiting for a response. He sees, He hears, He listens. And He responds.

 

Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.
You perceive every movement of my heart and soul,
and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind.
You are so intimately aware of me, Lord.
You read my heart like an open book
and you know all the words I’m about to speak
before I even start a sentence!
You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.

Psalm 139:1-4 TPT