There are times when my good intentions go astray. Probably more than I’d like to admit.

I believe so much that the Word is true. I have seen miracles before my eyes. Like, crazy things that I used to mock. And honestly, sometimes that makes it hard when God’s answer isn’t a momentary miracle. When His answer is time and process.

I think what has confused me is that the things I’m asking Him for are really good. Big things in my marriage. Freedom in my family. Physical healing for someone I love. Like, they are things that I know He wants for me, too.

Here is His promise:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7

Seriously, I struggle with this promise at times. Because, man, I have sought some things out from God. I have asked. I have knocked. I have legitimately banged on the door.

I have held onto the door for dear life… sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly rapping my knuckles on the wood. I have slid myself down to the floor – leaning my back against the door. And it felt like God was waiting on the other side of the door – doing what? Ignoring me? Doing the dishes? Preoccupied with someone else? Too busy to notice my desperate questions and tired of my incessant knocking?

No.

In my mind, when I make the step to lay out my deepest need; ask Him to do something in my life that I cannot do myself, I see it in a step-by-step process. Like a math equation.

Ask + Seek + Knock = Open door/Answer

When honestly, God is too kind to answer us with an equation that makes sense.

Oh, God, if you answered when we expected it every time, it would be on our terms. And I think I’ve learned my lesson on this. I really don’t want it on my terms. I want to be rescued on the terms of Your promise.

I want You to be bigger than me. On the outside, I hate the answer of “wait.” Or even just the answer of Your seemingly silent presence.

But I want You to be sovereign. And holy. And for you to know me better than I do. For you to know what I need when I think I already know. To gently show me You see me, but to just hold on.

You’re not passive. You’re not busy. You are active.

Your hand is on the door, too.

Begging me to not let that big, wooden door separate us.

Telling me to keep seeking. To keep my hand pressed against the door, almost like there’s nothing in between us. To see that You are so much closer than I think. To trust that the answer is for my benefit; no matter what is on the other side of that equal sign. So I can give you the honor. So the answer can only point back to You, no matter how long it takes. So I could never grow numb to your abundant blessings.

I trust in Your timing. I trust that what you have for me is better than what I can see.

The door may open. It may stay shut. It may open up to a new door.

But what I know, is that the One on the other side has been and always will be faithful.

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:11

Disclaimer: This is not short.

Here’s where I’m at.

I went for a run yesterday and listened to two songs on repeat. If you don’t get anything out of this post, please get this. Go listen to “The Garden” by Kari Jobe, and “There is A Cloud” by Elevation.

For the past few days, I had been in a weird tired/overwhelmed/wanting to be grumpy phase. Things weren’t even bad. There was just a lot going on, and I didn’t feel like I was processing it well enough. Or maybe I just hadn’t found the right outlet for it all. So I busted my tail and booked it up a hill while listening to Kari Jobe… sound like an oxymoron almost, doesn’t it? And since then, the same thoughts have jumbled around in my head.

I’ve hesitated to put them anywhere because, once again, this whole concept is not original. But in this context, it’s meant for me to say to you.

You, my friend, who is feeling so dry you feel like you might just crumble in seconds into dust. You’re holding it together okay on the outside, but on the inside, you feel like you’re losing pieces of yourself every day.

You, who keeps hearing about what it could be like to truly have a relationship with Jesus, and it seems to constantly allude you, and slip just out of your reach.

You, who knows what it feels like to walk in step with Jesus, because you used to live that way. And maybe it’s been years, maybe it’s been a few months, or maybe it started yesterday – but you feel like you’ve lost it. You know what it is like to hear His voice. You know what it’s like to not feel like you’re a constant mess all of the time. But not right now.

Here’s what he wants You to hear. (Or, read, I guess.) Lean in for just a second.

Rain.

Sometimes, I find myself irritated and bored with the Christian phrases we use. Being in the desert, the storm… God sending His rain. But while I listened to these two songs on repeat, I felt in my spirit that I needed to quit diminishing the power of what this means. For God to send His rain. And almost more importantly, why we need the rain in the first place.

God is so smart. He chose the examples He used on purpose. Duh. He knew we would know what it looks like to be in need of rain. To just be in need of water… What it feels like to take a shower when you’re just plain nasty. To jump in a pool when it’s 100 degrees outside. After running, or playing a sport, or working hard all day, that feeling of finally getting that drink of  ice cold water.

And more literally, the rain is what the earth needs to survive. I know, this isn’t some genius revelation. But when I seriously began to think about those times when you can just feel in the air – “We really need some rain.” Everything’s dry. Towns actually create a water ban… limit your water usage at your house until it rains. But if it just rained all the time, we’d have to build another arc! We would just be flooded.

There would be no need for rain if something wasn’t dry.

“Rejoice in the Lord your God! For the rain He sends demonstrates His faithfulness.”        Joel 2:23

My husband’s a tiny bit obsessed with anything and everything Elevation, so I got to hear a little bit of how the team actually wrote the song, “There is a Cloud”. The words to the chorus say, “we receive your rain.” They explained the meaning of the verses, and how there needed to be a reason to want to receive the rain. And one line they said stood out to me so much: “If you don’t need it, rain is annoying.”

So true! It rained here the other day, and I had tons of errands to do, and it made literally everything so much more complicated. But when it hasn’t rained in weeks or months, and everything around you is being affected, and the weather channel won’t stop talking about how much we need the rain, you don’t mind it so much.

I don’t know what you’re going through. Some of you in my life, I do. And you are on my mind. Guys, we would never know what it looks like to want to receive God’s rain if we weren’t already feeling dry.

Gosh, it’s so hard. You know what it feels like. You know where you want to be. Where you should be. Or maybe, you’ve heard other people say what it’s like, and you want to get there so bad. But what I have to believe is that God is not holding out on you just to see how far you can go until you break. He’s not testing you and seemingly silent just for the sake of “teaching you a lesson.”

He knows when you’re ready for the rain. You think that right now, you are as dry as you’ll get. He knows. One of the lines in “The Garden” says, “I realized you never left, and for this moment you planned ahead, that I would see Your faithfulness in all of the green.”

Let Him be your life. Not just a drink of water because you’re thirsty, but literally the only thing that will keep your spirit, soul and body alive.

“He has granted you life and lovingkindess; And Your care has preserved my spirit.”         Job 10:12

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dear Child,

I see you exactly where you are right now. I understand, if in this moment, that doesn’t even feel comforting. That you may wonder why I see you, and allow your life to be the way it is. That it feels like I see you from such a far away distance, and I don’t see and understand your pain.

Please. Please, trust Me. Maybe for the first time, maybe for the thousandth time. Look back on every other time My promises have proved themselves faithful. I promise you, with all the love I have, I do not find joy in this dry season for you, either. My heart is grieved to know that you feel distant. That you feel that I’m distant. It breaks my heart, more than it breaks yours.

But I love you too much, and I know you too well, to shower you with rain before you’re really ready. I know this is so hard to understand. I’m not asking you to understand, but I’m asking you to trust me. I am pulling for you. I am literally hanging on to every single word you say to Me.

Waiting.         Waiting.       Waiting.

I have to be patient here, too. Like a parent who has to show restraint by keeping their child away from the stove, or not buying every single toy just because it will make them happy, I know what’s best for you. My presence will never leave you. On that day you invited Me in, I’ve so happily been unable to leave you. I’m with you, always.

Wait on me. Don’t give up. I can hardly wait for the day when it will be time. To show you so much more of Myself. The day that all of this will make sense, and You’ll be grateful for My timing and sovereignty.

In the meantime, trust Me enough to get you through each moment.

“Know and become personally acquainted with Me; press on to know and fully understand the greatness of the Lord [to honor, heed and deeply cherish Me.] My appearing is prepared and is as certain as the dawn, and I will come to you [in salvation] like the [heavy] rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth.” (Hosea 6:3 AMP)

Love,

The One Who Sends the Rain

More. More of Your timing, Your boldness, Your heartbeat.

Help me to learn what this feels like. The sound, the timing of Your beating heart. Teach me to lean in, tune out my own rhythm and pulse, and rely on Yours. My heart jumps to racing with one word; one word. In less than the blink of an eye. But Yours doesn’t change in its timing or rhythm. It is unfailing and steadfast. But the closer I get, it changes in its intensity and direction. The volume is dependent on me. May I lean in, jump closer to drown out the competing rhythms around me; dependent on circumstance and emotion. The cadence of Your heart shifts and creates  a path for me, if I can stick close enough to hear.

And yet, I still work. Wait. Spin. Unsure of where to go or even how.

Shouldn’t I know how to do this by now?

Child,

No. You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t know what you’re doing. You shouldn’t have it figured out. If you did, where would I fit? You’re desperately searching to know about me in all the wrong places. Just stop. Stop searching for pretty adjectives to describe what I am. Just sit, and let me show you who I am. You’re floating quietly into the wrong tree. It’s subtle, but it’s so heavy. You want to know and hear my heartbeat? Just get closer. Let go of some of the other things that look good on the outside, and move where no one else is. My adjectives have been the same throughout time. You’re not going to find new words on your own. But I promise, I am all of them at once. So much more than what you can take in. The list is innumerable, unmatched.

But I can be whatever it is you need from me in this moment. 

And that is my heartbeat for you. That I can see what it is you desperately need. You can’t even name it, but I can. And I will be whatever it is. I already am.

My heart just is.

It is for you. It is in you. You can’t even take it in. But I’ll give you enough for now. Enough of my glory, my goodness, my peace. Enough to fill the space that’s been lacking. And then some.

Don’t you see; I never want you to not need me? My heart breaks a little any time you feel that you’ve got it. You’re not failing. You’re settling into the perfect spot to hear the one thing you’ve been working so hard to find – my heart.

Even after all this time, I will never lose the joy that comes in your desperation for me. 

I will always be jealous for you. I watch as you nobly fill your time with good things. And I am patient. I am kind, and will never force you. But when you turn your eyes from the busyness, and press your heart in just a little closer to mine, I rejoice every time. I’ll never lose the thrill of showing off my mercy, my loving kindness, and my all encompassing love. 

These are the moments I wait for.

Love,

The Creator of the Universe

I’ve come to believe that Psalm 119 may be my favorite chapter of the Bible. And the message version is truly the most raw, relate able way to read it. Any time I feel my soul needs a breath from the Spirit of the Living God, it leads me back to Psalm 119.

The whole thing is so long; which is probably why I find and feel new things each time I read it. Today, I was stopped in my tracks with one line.

I’m going to let you read the whole context – just because it’s so beautiful. And I’ll bring you back to where I halted. It starts at verse 166.

“I  wait expectantly for your salvation; God, I do what you tell me. My soul guards and keeps all your instructions – oh, how much I love them! I follow your directions, abide by your counsel; my life’s an open book before you.

Let my cry come right into your presence, God; provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word. Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise. Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, you’ve taught me the truth about life!  And let your promises ring from my tongue; every order you’ve given is right. Put your hand out and steady me since I’ve chosen to live by your counsel. I’m homesick, God, for your salvation; I love it when you show yourself!

Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well, use your decrees to put iron in my soul. And should I wander off like a lost sheep – seek me! I’ll recognize the sound of your voice.”

Did you see it? Feel it? I bolded it just in case it didn’t make your stomach flip like it did mine. It’s verse 170.

Rescue me on the terms of your promise.

To be honest – I wasn’t feeling so much in need of rescuing today. I had a pretty relaxing weekend. I took a bath in the middle of the day, for crying out loud.

To me, this chapter feels like no matter what kind of mess I find myself in – there’s a line that relates. That meets me and gives me the words to pray that have seemed out of reach or out of voice. Such a desperate, raw cry throughout these verses.

Over and over, David cries:                                                                                                                 Please, God. Comfort me.Sustain me. Let me hear your voice. Affirm me.

Rescue me

…on the terms of your promise.

I have never asked God to be rescued in this way. I want to be rescued on my own terms, so that I don’t hurt anymore. So my confusion is clarified. So my fears are put to rest. So I have energy to make it through the rest of the day. But truthfully, if I were to be rescued on my terms, it would never happen. I’m too busy worrying I haven’t done enough for Him to bring me to the place I need. I’m too busy to spend time with Him the way I want to, so why would he provide me with the peace and energy I need in my day? Truly, when I see my own rescue, there are limits and conditions.

But in the deepest, most lost days and seasons, He wants to rescue us on the terms of His promise. Which – if you don’t know Him, that could sound pretty scary. Like there’s a catch.

But if you do know Him like I do, then this is the answer and the most reassuring plea I could ever hope to cry out.

God, rescue me on your terms. On your promises. Because I don’t always keep my promises. And my terms waver. And my consistency is…inconsistent.

But your faithfulness is steadfast and unwavering. Your promises of rescue and redemption have been the same since before forever.

Your promise is that when I am weak, then I am strong. In you.

That I am adopted into the family of Christ, and am no longer a slave, but an heir.            I am not lost or forgotten.

That before the beginning of creation, I was chosen, appointed, and that I am highly favored.

That there is nowhere, absolutely nowhere I can go to escape from your passionate, never ending, perfect love for me.

Yes, please. These are the terms in which I would like to be rescued.

Since I’ve already involved the internet in what God is doing in my 2017, I figured I would continue. Here we go.

At times I get self conscious that everything I end up writing is straight from my journal – always personal and vulnerable experiences vs. ideas and revelations. I guess they’re maybe one in the same and I shouldn’t worry about it.

I have to kind of give the context for what happened today. A friend shared a sermon with me that I knew I should try to watch today, entitled “Words to Live By” by Craig Groschel. If you have time, go look it up. It’s really great. Anyway, it encouraged me to write my own “declarations” to speak over my life each day.

As I began to think about what lies I’ve believed about myself, and which truths I needed to replace them with, I first just told God where I was at. I told him that as I was fasting this week, I was getting a little impatient because I wasn’t really feeling much. I told him that I was ready to hear His voice. I told Him  my heart and mind were open.

Then I began to think. I knew my first lie I believed about myself had to do with my marriage. So, as usual, I googled “bible verses on…” what I was struggling with, and it brought me to Ephesians 5 on “Wives and Husbands.” I read it through it via Safari on my phone, and was kind of like, “yeah, this isn’t what I’m looking for.” So instead of opening my Bible App to continue, which I so often do, or just search for another verse, I opened up my actual Bible. As I opened up the spread, the passage I just read was on the right side of the page. My eyes drifted to the left side where I saw 2 verses previously underlined and highlighted.

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:1-2

There aren’t the right kind of words probably in any language to explain what reading this felt like. Except that I told God I was ready to hear His voice – and He was ready, too.

When I became a stay at home mom, it became so quickly evident that it was harder than I imagined. Duh. But it was what I wanted. I prayed for it for years. And it finally happened and some days I felt like I was physically losing my mind. (At times, still do. I think that comes with the territory.) But one day when I felt like I was failing across the board, God brought me to this verse to remind me that my calling was not just youth ministry or “church.”Or that because I didn’t have a “job” anymore, I had lost some of my calling. My calling was in my home; and in this season, my job as a mother. My calling was not a place or a title. My calling was in the moments where no one else saw what I was doing. I actually have this verse on a sign in my living room. It’s one of my favorite gifts from my husband.

But what is insane to me is that I didn’t just underline that one sentence last year. I underlined the second one. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

My word for this year? Gentleness.

I underlined these two sentences over a year ago. And last week God told me that my word for the year was gentleness. I probably haven’t opened up my Bible to this page since that day a year ago.

I’m still a little in awe at the chain of events that led me to this page, this sentence. And the more I read it, the more I feel like this string of words were put together in the Bible just for me. I know that’s not real, but I don’t care. God cares enough about me to let me be a little dramatic about it.

This was not about me just finding my word again. This was about God’s voice being the same, and fulfilling new things with age-old promises. This was about being honest with God about where I was; tired and impatient – but laying it down and telling Him I was done with all that and ready to hear from Him again. I felt in my heart that I was tired of talking, and ready to listen. And it was almost as if He breathed a sigh of relief with me, and said, “Well, okay then. Here’s what I’ve had waiting to show you.”

The real miracle of the day is that my kids napped long enough for me to work out, take a shower, and then get to have this time. That’s a miracle in itself. And all the SAHMs said, “Amen.”

 

“Let your gentleness be evident to all.”

Philippians 4:5

How funny my God is. Not necessarily “ha ha” funny, but funny as in, I feel my soul lifting and delighting in how He makes His word come alive for me.

As I settled on the word “gentleness” for this year, I searched for it in scripture. I knew it was one of the fruits of the spirit, but wanted to find it in other places. I knew this well known, short sentence but didn’t have its reference memorized. So I googled it. And it lands in Philippians 4:5.

Great. Now, like I usually do, I’ll look it up in context. I really love seeing what surrounds these common, almost “catch phrases” of the Bible.

Do you know what comes after Philippians 4:5? Philippians 4:6.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 4:6. One of the only verses I’ve had memorized for practically my whole life. The one verse I held onto through the years where I lost my Savior’s voice. The verse that feels to me like an anchor; that when I land there, I feel my spirit settle and I know I’m home. That God has always been the same. Never changing, always faithful, even when I am faithless.

As I prayed about the word “gentleness”, I told God I’ve never been more intimidated by a word before. Because this request; this need for meditation on gentleness is so secret. No one sees. No one sees the hidden reasons behind this desperate need for a gentle spirit. No one sees the anger or impatience or unkindness that so quickly spills out of me. I felt silly and afraid and… anxious to bring this request to the Lord, because only He would understand and grasp its depth.

And what did He do? He led me back home. Before I could even name that I was anxious, He told me not to be. He tells me to let my gentleness be evident to all, because He is near.

And then He reminds me that He alone is my anchor and my home and my peace beyond understanding.

As I put these pieces together, I could literally feel my spirit lifting and immediately filling up with the joy only His spirit can give. Even now, as I type this out and read the words that I scribbled in my journal, that same peace is washing over my soul.

Wanna know the other word God highlighted to me for this year?

Delight.

“I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.”

Isaiah 61:10

Ha! Funny, my God is.

“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered His kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.” Ephesians 1:3-8 NLT

I read this and knew I needed to write. However, as I picked up my pen, I thought, “Maybe I should see how the message version words it.” I read the message version, and decided the NLT was my favorite. Until I read this verse:

“He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved son.”

Seriously? If you didn’t read the previous blog post before this one, go do that. And then see why I felt so speechless by the wording of this verse. It almost doesn’t even fit. As if God said, “I want to reinforce what I said to you yesterday, just in case you weren’t sold.”

I love so much that the Bible refers to us as being “adopted” and not simply “born into” the family. Being adopted insinuates being chosen or taken in. And He didn’t choose to take us in once He saw us hopelessly messing up; so desperately in need. No. His decision was “before the creation of the world” and “in advance”. It was planned. Your adoption, as a legal son or daughter of God, was planned in God’s heart before the world was spoken into existence.

…so that He could lavishly (without limits) bless us with His rich gifts of kindness and mercy.

 

Dear Child,

When I say that I chose you, it is not just a comforting phrase put in my Word to make you feel less lost. You were chosen in the most active sense of the word. Bought with the highest price. And you were not adopted so that I could have control of you. It’s quite the opposite. I wanted you so that you could know true freedom. So that I could eternally pour out my kindness on you. I love you with a love that knows no end; no bounds. I created you to do good works, with good plans in mind, yes. These are true. 

But more than what I created you to do – I crated you first of all to BE.

To be mine. To let your identity as my heir to be more than enough. That I have chosen you, simply because my heart loves yours. You’ve lost sight of the simplicity of why you are where you are. Of why you are who you are. 

You are not forgotten. Your life is not confusing. Your purpose is not vague. I don’t love you because of what you do well. No. I love you because I chose you. Because I want to.

Let that be enough for today.

Love,

Your Creator

“How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the whole world. You hide them in the shelter of your presence, safe from those who conspire against them.” Psalm 31:19-20

If I had space and time, I’d write out the entire chapter. It’s a cry of desperation, for help and protection. And the most incredible part? He doesn’t just promise to protect. He promises to lavish goodness — on those whom he protects. We don’t need to beg Him for His protection, or for good things. He’s already decided to hide us in the shelter of His presence. His protection is almost like an afterthought; because it’s already in His plan.

It’s who He is.

And those he protects, He chooses to bless. LAVISHLY. This means to give in great amounts without limit. What a beautiful thought.

To know that when we are feeling so vulnerable – so exposed, unsafe, maybe even forgotten – crying out for His protection; not only will be be protected, but He will bless us without limits.

He has goodness stored up for you. Almost like Christmas. Sort of a cheesy thought, but we know that feeling – of having the perfect thing for someone you love so much. He just can’t wait because He has the most perfect gift waiting for us. And we get so caught up in our own chaos and trying to plan our own way, that we often miss it. We scramble and plead with him to keep us safe; physically, mentally, emotionally. And He’s telling us He’s already done that, and is ready to do more.

Dear Child,

I hear you. I see you. You are so desperately seeking my presence and the protection that I offer you. Daughter of mine, this is not something I am wanting to withhold from you. These beautiful gifts are past, present, and future tense. I have protected, I am protecting you now, and I promise to always surround you. You don’t need to plead with me for it. You need to allow me in to these places. I am literally bursting with love and excitement to LAVISHLY shower you with the good things I have for you.

But you must choose me. Choose my gifts of goodness over the worlds’ ideas. Even by choosing the idea that you must always be anxious or feel unsafe in this world, you’re saying no to the promises of my presence and protection. 

Choose me. Let me in. It will be a joy for us both – for me to give you the most perfect gifts I’ve had waiting for you. I just can’t wait to see your face when you see it. 

Love,

Your Protector

I’ve been trying for days now to put words to our 2016 Fall Retreat.

Some of it, for selfish ambition. To be able to clearly paint a picture of what happened. Which I will never be able to do. Except maybe to just share my own heart in the whole thing. And the kindness of God.

God is always surprising me. Probably because I think I have Him figured out. Even though my intentions are pure, and I truly just want to get to know His heart, there are times where I want to believe I know where He’s going. You’d think I would learn by now the meaning of His ways being higher than mine.

This year, I felt so strongly that His promise for our retreat was coming from Exodus 33:18-22

“Then Moses said, ‘Now show me your glory.’

And the Lord said, ‘I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,’ he said, ‘you cannot see my face for no one may see me and live.’ Then the Lord said, ‘There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock, and will cover you with my hand until I have passed by.”

The Lord was faithful in this promise to us. However, I anticipated it in the wrong way. You know how you gear up for retreats because you know it will be so emotional? You prepare to almost have your  life turned upside down; for God to reveal to you how far you’ve fallen so that you may find your way back.

This retreat had a life of its own. Yes, there were still tears. Yes, there were still moments where kids realized that their lives were headed down a path that led them further from the heart of God. However, another leader pointed out to me that throughout this weekend, there was an overwhelming sense of His peace. I hadn’t put words to it yet, until she told me it was her favorite retreat so far. And I was honestly surprised. There were so many moments where I felt we just weren’t getting there. That sweet spot where God’s presence was meeting with us. And I was just so wrong. We were there. He was there. He just chose to show up in a different way.

Kids ages 12 and up were literally shouting the praises of God. In my mind, leading worship, I kept trying to shift the “worship” to something more reflective. Something quieter; something that would help them focus inward on their own hearts. And the atmosphere was literally just filled with praise. We couldn’t leave it. They couldn’t stop. We thought we had planned what our “anthems” would be. God decided them for us. And the kids followed.

They stayed in the moment, shouting over and over and over:

“Great are you Lord! It’s your breath in our lungs, so we pour out our praise.”

We literally couldn’t stop celebrating. Stories of anxiety, depression, feelings of complete worthlessness, were written down, and released. We were hidden in the cleft of the rock. And where I anticipated a heavy experience with His glory; He chose to let His glory be in the face of overwhelming peace, joy, and comfort. In every single detail. The perfect fall weather, the way that we were on time for just about everything (when does that happen!?), our conversations, and just the overall atmosphere.

It made me grateful for God’s unpredictability. He is always moving and changing. The next thing is not just the next thing; it’s the NEW thing. And an army is now beginning to rise up. With breath in our lungs, our bones aren’t dry anymore. Can’t wait to see where He is taking us next.

 

 

Abide (verb): to remain; continue; stay

John 15:5-7,11 (msg) I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing…But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.

I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature.

“Stay with me, daughter.

Live, abide, rest, remain. All of these words mean the same thing.

Don’t go anywhere.

I’m about to do something through you. You’ve heard that before, right? Every time My voice comes through your pen I tell you, “I’m about to do something.” That’s because I always am. I am never done growing you, changing you, setting you up to perform and receive miracles. I know you feel sometimes unbalanced. I want you to figure out the balance of living and abiding, but I’m right here when you don’t get it right. I don’t withhold My Spirit or My truth when your schedule doesn’t match up.

I am jealous.

I want you all of the time. I see who you can be when you are walking, living, resting, in me. I have found favor in you. You give Me great joy. Now, abide in Me so that you may have joy, and that MY joy may be made complete in you. Not fleeting, momentary happiness – but true delight and gladness that is born in and through My Spirit. Constant happiness is impossible. But a life of joy is not. What a miracle that would be in your life, child. That would be no small thing. And I’m prepared to shower you in it. To have joy permeate your heart. Once you can be still – rest – abide – live in Me. The way you feel about your babies; the joy that they are, is literally invisible compared o the joy I give. I’m prepared for you to have this full and free life if you are.

So yes, once again, I’m about to do something in you.

Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

I will create rivers in the dry wasteland –

so my chosen people (that’s you)

can be refreshed

Isaiah 43:19 NLT

All my love,

The Vine